Happy New Year

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012. It has been an interesting year with a ton of fun times skiing, biking, sticking my finger in the spokes, all kinds of  activities. My finger has actually healed beautifully and other than some continuing numbness, (in my head, not my finger) it is back to normal.
I am definitely looking forward to skiing a lot this year starting at Blue as soon as my 5x7 pass is valid which I believe will be January 9. It will take several days to adjust to the new boots but at least I will have warm feet for the season and it's unlikely I will lose a toenail this year because of my boots. When I do get out for some daytime skiing the north ski runs should be open with all the snow they will be able to make over the next week. Kudos to Blue and their snow makers for working hard to get full hill coverage.
Tonight a group of us are celebrating the new year at the Craigleith ski club in the north lodge. It should be a great time. I will also be celebrating my last official day as a Bell Aliant employee. After 35 years I have called it quits and at this time tomorrow I will be retired. Hopefully that means more skiing, snowboarding, biking and goofing off. I'm OK at the first 3 and I excel at the last activity.
To my very few readers have a great time tonight and please do something that I wouldn't do, stay awake until midnight. And to Lori, one of my faithful readers, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I'm going to try to avoid this look tonight.

Night skiing

Last night was my first time out on the skis this year. I met up with Aaron at 4:30 and away we went, sort of. He went and I struggled with one of my new boots and the binding for a while. I finally thought I had clicked in, went to skate away only to leave one ski behind and end up looking like a beached orca. So much for a flawless year with no crashes. At least I got it out of the way. It seems a clump of snow was causing the problem and there were no further troubles with the bindings.
My new boots (Lange RX120's) were very comfy but it is going to take a while to adjust to boots that aren't as stiff, are slightly taller I think and have a different angle between the foot and ankle, or at least that's the way it felt. On the plus side my feet were quite warm the whole time. My new Spyder jacket was very warm as well and my helmet, with speakers pumping out the tunes, was great as well. An added bonus was I couldn't hear people calling me a doofus with the music on.
The skiing was fairly good, all things considered, with some of the hills to the south being open now (O-hill Cruiser, and Big Baby). We skied down Dr. Doug as well with what had to be a record for the number of skiers on that hill at one time. The snow making was going full bore which was understandable. It was overall a really good start to the ski season.
We then went to Jozo's to listen to Touch of Vinyl for a while. They are a local band and certainly one of the best bands to see in the area. Good music and lots of fun. I may have to make my way over today for the matinee. I'm so glad ski season is here.

Snow!!!

It has taken a while but we finally have a significant (6 inches) amount of snow which should aid in getting the majority of the runs open. It is cold enough to also be making snow so fingers crossed things will start looking up for the skiers of Ontario. As it stands right now the ski shops are hurting bad for business and many people who came here to work at the resorts are not getting the hours they need to enjoy their stay here.
For consumers like me it has been great because of the boxing week sales which have allowed me to buy some new stuff at great prices. I have all new stuff that I have purchased since the end of last season so chances are no one will recognise me when I am at the hill so here are some tips that should help in identifying me
I will be arriving in a blue Pontiac Vibe instead of a red Subaru. I'll probably get stuck in the parking lot because I no longer have all wheel drive so look for the guy in the Vibe asking for a push. Once I do get to a parking spot you can tell whether it's me or not by how much cursing and swearing goes on while trying find my gloves, adjust my goggles and to get my boots on. When I have achieved these tasks I will grab my skis, lean them against the car only to watch them crash to the ground followed by the requisite cursing and swearing for a second time. I will then walk about 50 metres before I realise that my poles are still in the car. After retrieving my poles I will be snapping into my bindings when I realise that my season pass is sitting on the stool beside the front door, put there so as not to forget it. Sound recognition will be sufficient to tell it's me after forgetting my pass because I will be cursing and swearing loudly to myself (it takes skill to do both at once), possibly waving my hands around and more than likely driving out of the parking lot looking like the madman that I am occasionally capable of becoming.
I just can't wait for it!!!

A beautiful winter day.

It's doofus time

I have never seen the actual definition of a doofus but I am pretty sure that as I sit here composing this there is little doubt I look like a doofus. My father occasionally called me a doofus as well so I must be one. Then again he sometimes called me a farmer and I was never sure if that was a good thing or not. But I digress. I certainly look like a doofus right now because  I am writing this while wearing my new ski helmet with my goggles and glasses as well. And while I am wearing this new helmet I am listening to Eminem on my MP3. That's because my new helmet has speakers. It's a K2 Diversion from Mountain Co-op and I am very happy with it other than I now look like the twin brother of Gazoo.
It seems as I get older I care less about how I look as long as I'm warm and comfortable. This helmet is absolute proof of that. Even Guinness seems aware that his owner is a doofus because he has left the room and I'm sure that's him I hear snickering around the corner.  But who really cares because now CSNY are playing through the speakers and they sound good., certainly better than the tunes on the adult alternative satellite channel I listened to while painting earlier on. I thought it would be nice to hear something a little different but all they played was a bunch of has beens and never weres doing their versions of a Christmas carol done better previously by someone else.
So I'll be rocking on the hill this year if it ever snows. My goal will be to go so fast I can't hear the music for the wind. I'm getting to like this new technology.
And now for something completely different I now present........THE DOOFUS!!!!!!

The man with no shame.

No Snow

Well it's tough to write about sports in Collingwood when Blue Mountain will be lucky if they can open this weekend. There is virtually no natural snow on the ground now and it is too warm to make snow so if 2 runs are open on the weekend I think they will be lucky. For me that sucks because I am no longer working, have very little to keep myself occupied and I have been looking forward to skiing this year more than I have for many years. I have new stuff just waiting to be used, almost new skis, new boots, new poles (leather wrapped grips....oooooh, aaaaah), a new jacket and pants and finally a new helmet, a $20 helmet for a $20 head.
The last couple of days I have walked up the hill at the unused Orchard runs with Guinness tagging along, stripping bushes of as many burrs as he possibly could. On Monday while cresting a steep section of the climb I did spot something amazing, a full size buck with a beautiful full rack, certainly the most impressive antlers I have ever seen. He was about 75 metres uphill from me and I guess he didn't see me because of the steep section I had just climbed and he didn't get my scent (eau de ultramaroon) because I was downwind from him. A great sighting followed by the spotting of a doe and fawn on the way down the hill. Sadly I forgot my camera so there is no record of it. Tuesday Brian and I were climbing the hill again when we spotted 5 deer about 150 metres away. I managed to get some pictures of them with my new smart phone (I feel strangely inadequate when using this phone. If it could get erections I would have to off myself for being redundant) but they were so far away you can hardly see them in the photo. All the same it was cool to see that many grazing on the hill.
So there you have it, no snow, little to do other than try to get a little bit of exercise here and there. My snow dance in the backyard was obviously unsuccessful although I'm sure the neighbours were entertained. We will just have to be patient which let me say is not one of my stronger suits. Damn.

Snow report, updated

I have called this a snow report but it could just as easily be a lack of snow report. There is virtually no natural snow on the hill. They are blowing snow at the top but the chances of a good Christmas skiing are looking slim right now.
I just checked the Blue web site and there are no towers blowing snow right now although there is a large snow gun blasting at the foot of the Silver Bullet. It seems to me they are going to need a ton of snow to cover the mini golf at the base of the hill. I also talked to someone at Blue yesterday and they were blowing at the top where it was cold enough and planning to push snow down the slope if necessary. The sad part is all this work could be pointless because later on this week rain is predicted for a couple of days with temperatures around 7C  in the daytime.
All this bad snow news is bothersome because I am really looking forward to getting out on the boards this year. Just a few years ago I wasn't sure if I wanted to ski again but that feeling has left me and I can't wait to speed out of control down the hill again. I even have new boots now, Lange RX 120s from Kemark Snowsports in Richmond Hill which should be great all mountain boots. Tom spent a lot of time fitting me and making the footbeds. They are comfortable and I can actually wiggle my toes because of the large toe box so hopefully my feet will be warmer. I don't want to lose a toenail like I did last year after our trip to Vail. I also picked up a new boot bag which I will use to transport all the things I might need in a day of skiing. It will come in real handy at the season ending trip out west, location as yet undecided.

Boot bag and Guinness' toy skunk

I'm going to head out to the back yard now and do a snow dance. I don't have to worry what the neighbours might think because it wouldn't be the first time that they have seen me convulsing in the back yard, ranting and raving, speaking in tongues. I think they are getting used to it actually.
I have just come back from the hill. I climbed up the Orchard and there certainly is very little natural snow on the ground, barely enough to cover the grass and that's about it. Blue had the snowmaking going full bore at the central area, Tranquility and Smart Alec, but nothing anywhere else. If anything is open next weekend it may just be those two runs.

Top of Orchard

Retiring

Well that's it. I'm done. After 35 years I have worked my last day at the big corporation. It was a topsy turvy ride with some great jobs I really enjoyed doing and others, such as what I have been doing for the last 7 years, that I truly disliked doing.
Over the years I have been suspended a couple of times, once for a week for believe it or not calling a fellow worker names. I felt vindicated just a few days later though when one of my descriptions for him, incompetent, was proved correct when he set a customers house on fire. Another time a tractor trailer scraped my truck and then took off while I was 35 feet in the air working in the bucket. Although I was 35 feet away from the steering wheel the company decided I should not have been in that place at that time. It was classified as a preventable accident and as a consequence my safe drivers award was taken away. It was the epitome of a kangaroo court.
I have worked in manholes, pits, at ground level, high in the air in bucket trucks and hanging off of poles on spurs. Jobs where I was building things were the ones I derived the most satisfaction from. There is nothing quite like finishing up a job, standing back and taking pride in the quality job you have just completed. I also remember finishing jobs where I may have cut a corner or two and in the end regretting doing so. Cut corners very rarely save you much time in the long run.
I did jobs that would last as little as a day to rehabbing entire neighbourhoods which in one case took me six months. It was a proud day when the guys who finished their part of the work complimented me on how smoothly everything went for them due to a job well done by me.
My favourite job was working on the line crew placing poles and aerial cable. We called it the brute force and ignorance crew and our motto was if it doesn't fit, get a bigger hammer. It was hard physical work which I loved doing. We had a lot of laughs especially when I walked around one day wondering where the hell that smell of dog shit was coming from. Everywhere I went that smell followed. I checked my boots, looked everywhere I could see on my body and no dog shit. I finally had to go up to my buddy and ask him if he could see any shit on me. I started to turn around and within a second he was laughing hysterically at me. I had been walking around for the last half hour with a big wad of dog shit on my hard hat. My hat fell off when I had bent over to pick something up and I had no idea that it landed on a giant freshie from what had to have been a very large dog. Needless to say my nickname was Shithead for the next week or so.
So now I am a retiree. I know I'm not the first to say "where has the time gone?" I'm 56 now and I am one of the lucky few who has a company paid pension and a financial position which should leave me living comfortably for the rest of my life. I should have nothing to worry about.....but a TV commercial has got my worrying about a new social problem that could start affecting me tomorrow. It's called..........ELDER ABUSE!!!!!!!!! I'm afraid, very afraid.

Hill climb

In an effort to stay in some kind of decent condition for skiing I decided to climb up Blue for some exercise so Off Guinness and I went to meet up with some friends. I arrive at 11 as planned but somehow I missed the folks I was supposed to climb with so we were on our own. I decided to climb straight up Memory Lane and then come down Tranquility. The hill was partially covered in snow so I tried to stay on the grassy sections for traction. Guinness didn't have to worry about this and was off and running. That liitle dog can run like mad. I was huffing and puffing in short order and by the time I got to the steep section near the top I had worked up a good sweat. Guiiness looked unaffected other than the tongue hanging out of his mouth.

Guinness

Top of Tranquility

We made it to the top and then made our way one hill over to Tranquility and I took a couple of pictures before heading down. I decided against running down the hill, partly because it was slippery but mostly because I have done that once before and could hardly make it down the stairs for the next 2 days. I tend to learn things the hard way. It was tricky footing all the way down and I think it was harder on my legs than going up. By the time I got to the bottom my shoes weighed about 3 pounds each with clay. A good little workout though.
On Sunday I met up with Brian and we climbed up the hiking trail by the South lodge and then across the top to Happy Valley and back down again. Another nice little workout that has left my legs stiff and sore today but still capable of making it down the stairs. Next weekend it will be the same routine again. Guinness can't wait.

Hiking trail

Road to recovery

It's been a while since I've posted, partly because there has been little in the way of sports in my life due to the nasty little abscess on my side which has been a going concern for almost three weeks now. My last post discussed the efficiency of the hospital, in particular how fast I was in and out of my little surgery. It seems now the reason it took so little time is that the surgeon did a half assed job. Instead of cutting it open and draining it he just stuck a needle into it and tried to drain it by sucking out the crud. I could feel him putting the needle at different angles to get as much out as possible but you don't have to be Einstein to figure out that it would be virtually impossible to remove all of the goop with this method. Suffice to say it didn't work.
Within two days my side was red and swollen again and by four days (two Mondays ago) I took things into my own hands. I had to take another day off work, sat for two hours with a hot water bottle on it and then drained close to a shot glass full of crud out of it. Tuesday I was back at work and every evening for the rest of the week I tried to drain it myself. By Friday it was plugging up and looked bad so on Saturday morning it was back to emerg for another visit.
This time the emerg doctor (Dr. Pointer) was excellent and completed the surgery in 15 minutes while causing virtually no pain. I am now much better other than the hole in my side which is being tended to by a home care nurse every second day. The nurse showed up yesterday for the first time and changed the dressing and then ordered supplies which were delivered to the house today. I think this might be overkill for a hole that is only a 1/2 inch in diameter and a 1/2 inch deep.

What I am not looking forward to is that the original surgeon who screwed up is the guy who is supposed to remove the cyst that is the root cause of all the trouble. Apparently he does not have the best of reputations. Damn.

                                                                                                                                                                          

Not much happening

It's now November and I haven't really done much of anything other than some winterizing around the house and buying a new car. The Solstice will never see winter so I have bought a 2010 Pontiac Vibe to get me to the ski hill in the winter. My 98 Subaru Outback was a great car but it was leaking oil bad and wasn't sounding that great either so it is now in the automotive version of the happy hunting grounds. The Vibe will never equal the Outback in capable winter driving but with snow tires it should do all right.
I have also had to use the medical system in the last few days and I can safely say it was the fastest I have ever been treated. Last Sunday it was necessary to go to emerg to have a rapidly advancing infection on my left love handle (seldom used lately I might add) where I have a rather large cyst. This is the second time this has happened. I was in and out of emerg with a prescription in less than an hour which was pretty darn good. Then yesterday it was obvious things were still not looking good so it was off to see my doctor. I was in and out of there in 20 minutes with a letter to see the surgeon at the hospital. I got to the hospital, lined up for 5 minutes, was taken right in and was walking out of the place shortly thereafter for a total of 35 minutes. Not bad considering I had some surgery, albeit very minor surgery.  Other than the very painful part it was an altogether easy day. Kudos to the entire Ontario medical system. It worked like a charm for me and all the people were professional as anyone could ever hope.

Last road ride?

Today was probably my last road ride for the year. Todd and I went for a short ride over to the airport, back to Blue Mountain and then returned to Collingwood. Standing outside just before we left I was chilled but I figured it wouldn't take very long to warm up. How wrong could I be? As well as being only 10C it was quite breezy which gave the chill even more bite. The totals were 43 km in 1:34:21 with a low average cadence of 75 rpm. My toes were frozen on one foot near the end as well as having some numb fingers.
As it stands right now my quads are stiff, probably because I never managed to get the muscles warm enough to function properly through the entire ride. It's a bit of a piss off because my last ride ride of the year was pretty much a lousy ride that I had a tough time enjoying.
My season total was 2400 kms on the bike which doesn't really seem like a lot to me but April's weather was terrible so very little riding was done and in the last month I have worked so much there hasn't been much good biking time.
This was the first year I given a concentrated effort into road riding and there is no doubt about it, I really enjoy it. I like the "Zen" aspect of it, concentrating on my spin, my efficiency and ways to improve. As much as it seems simple it isn't.
I loved riding the Trek Madone as well and I'm quite sure there will be no need for a new bike for many years to come.
Tomorrow it's off to Steve's place near Snow Valley for what will probably be my last mountain bike ride of the year. I didn't ride my Gary Fisher that much this year but at least the set up on the bike is correct for me now and the recent rides on it have been enjoyable. I like the Snow Valley rides so it should be a good day.
It's now Monday and I would like to report that my Sunday mountain bike ride at Steve's place was excellent. Cam, Dan and myself rode together and Lori and Susan went their own way on their ride. It was a perfect fall day and thankfully Cam knows the trails because it was hard see where they were sometimes with all the fallen leaves. The Gary Fisher Hifi was fun to ride because it is finally set up properly. It was completely predictable the entire ride. Steve and Susan did a great dinner afterwards so all in all it was a perfect way to end the season.

Facebook

I was a little bored last week and wondering what I could do to pass some time and somehow I came to the conclusion that it was time for me to join Facebook. I am still not sure why I now have a Facebook page or if I am going to have a Facebook page a week from now but it has been interesting and to a degree amazing.
The moment I started the page all these suggestions for friends started coming up and the amazing thing was I knew quite a few of the people being suggested for friends. I am assuming the program searches for people using the same words as I used in my profile such as Collingwood and that's why a lot of people I know from this area showed up. I am guessing on that though.
I hadn't had my page active for more than a day when I received a friend request from a Susan Ma___tte. I looked at her picture, she was a road biker and wracked my brain but could not figure out for the life of me who she was so I denied the friendship request. The next day I received another friendship request from a Ted Nichols who, judging by his profile picture was a motorcycle rider. Once again I wracked my brain and for the life of me could not figure out who Ted Nichols was so I denied that friendship request as well.
I have now just gotten off the phone with Lori, my first Facebook friend and she happened to mention Ted Nichols and I had to ask, who the hell is Ted Nichols so she brought me up to date and I feel bad now. You see, I have known Ted for many years but I always thought his last name was Steve'sfriend. That's how I always knew him. Well, okay that's not quite accurate. For a while I thought his last name was Cheryl'shusband but then I realized it was Steve'sfriend. Then again, now that I think about it a little more  there was about a week or two when I figured his last name was Thehydroguy. Only for a week or two though.
I know one thing for sure. If I had seen Ted Nichols on a motorcycle just once, just one lousy time on a friggin motorcycle I probably would have figured it out for myself. Or I may have denied the friendship request from Ted Nichols and wondered why I hadn't heard from Ted Themotorcycler yet. It's hard to know anything for sure anymore. I suppose an apology is in order so I would like to state now without reservation, I'm sorry Tod.

Foodstock

For the past few weeks I have noticed posters in the Orangeville-Shelburne area advertising Foodstock. I must admit I had no idea what it was about and because it was my work weekend I pretty much ignored it completely.
On my way back home today from work I was surprised by the amount of traffic coming through Shelburne from the north. As I headed north the cars kept coming. Then I started passing parked cars on both sides of the highway for close to 2 miles. That's a lot of parked cars. There were traffic cops and people returning to their cars to head home. It was then I realized that Foodstock was all about food, and farms, and the people of the area trying to stop the mega-quarry from becoming a reality.
My understanding of the situation is that potato farms in the area were sold to the new owners who posed as farmers themselves. Apparently they may have been farmers but they were purchasing the land for an American hedge fund that wants to start a massive aggregate pit, one of the largest in Canada. After the aggregates (gravel and such) are removed they will have access to a huge lode of limestone. They will be digging down as deep as Niagara Falls is high and there are real fears about the ground water of the area being compromised. It's not surprising that the locals are against this pit and although I'm all for progress this just sounds like a bad idea any way you look at it.
Foodstock today was a way to have fun, enjoy some music (Jim Cuddy and others), free food from many well known chefs and restaurants (Tesoros was there), and simply have a great day in some beautiful countryside. If you wanted to give a donation to the cause then all the better. I'm sure most people gladly did. What a great way to educate people on the issue while having them enjoy a great day out at the same time. Today the people of Melancton township and surrounding areas spoke and and I have no doubt they were heard and will continue to be heard until their battle is won and the pit is recognised as a terrible idea that will never happen.

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope that as you read this you are stuffed with turkey and feeling sleepy after having thirds. I had my turkey dinner Saturday, it was excellent and for the first time I had sweet potato pie which was incredible. After all that I had to head home and fall asleep. Happy thanksgiving to all.
With the passing of thanksgiving we now head into what I call the dead zone, the time when the tourist invasion eases off and there is little going on until the first ski day.
I celebrated today by going for a bike ride in what could only be described as perfect weather conditions, around 20C with light winds. I headed off to Badjeros to visit Dr. Lucy, have my head read and then head back home. The ride totalled out at 63 kms with a 28.1 average speed which left me really tired at the end because I did put a lot of effort into it. The strange thing is after rides where I push myself  hard like today I get back home, have a shower and proceed to almost pass out from feeling super tired. It must be that as much as it's a physical workout it is also mentally draining concentrating on keeping ones speed up for a couple of hours. When I first got serious about road riding I figured you just got on a bike and pedalled but the more I ride the more I realize there is a great deal of technique involved as well. It seems I still have a lot to learn.

A great part of today's ride were the fall colours which were stunning. This year I think the colours were as vivid as I have ever seen. Above is my amateurish picture which really doesn't show the colours at all but there it is just the same, taken at the bottom of the Pretty River road.
Something amazing has happened as well. I had more hits this week from Russia than from Canada. I have no idea why unless a bunch of Canadian spies have just been released from the gulag. If it's simply because you Russians are enjoying reading my blog then thank you very much.

What now?

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post and that is because I have done very little in the way of sports other than a few rides. I suppose there are other things that could be discussed but it's hard to say how interesting that would be. My intention today was to just say that due to a huge lack of interest (thank you to those of you who still read this blog, all 5 of you) I was going to take a brief break from it but then when I checked the stats page today was the most hits this blog has ever received in a day. Go figure. Still that's only 32 hits although 5 of those were from India which is puzzling to say the least. It was probably one blind Indian who kept hitting the wrong computer key.
I guess the only interesting thing that has happened to me is getting barred from my usual haunt, the Admirals Post. I had a little run in with the new manager (sneaky bitch) because she (rotten little bitch) forced the best bartender (she's gorgeous, smart, great with people and hard working) there to leave. The new manager (lying bitch) did this because Wendy is everything she (jealous bitch) isn't. The funny part is I said my peace, making sure I was heard by about 10 other customers, and then left and went to the Huron House across the road for a beer. One of the new owners of the Post followed me over to inform me that I was now barred. He seemed irate. I don't think I'll miss the Post much at all.

355'th!!!!!!!!

I did it! I cracked the top 400 in the Centurion! That was exactly my goal! I couldn't be happier! I am totally full of shit!...........Please pick the most accurate statement of the previous three.
If you picked I am totally full of shit you are right. I must admit though that because of the knee trouble I had it was great just to be there. As for the knee my only explanation is maybe there was something floating around in there that jammed in a bad spot which caused my knee to lock. It's never happened to me before and hopefully it will never happen again.
The race was huge with 1219 riders in the 50 mile ride alone. It really is cool starting off in a massive peloton. When we got to the Grey 19 climb my weakness was exposed. I simply cannot climb with the top riders. I was passed by many riders on the climb and it's amazing how fast some of them can get up a hill. The winner came in with an incredible time of 2:22. I bettered my chip time from last year by less than a minute at 2:58:26 which is a bit disappointing but just the fact that I could ride makes me happy. My average speed was 28 kph and I was 19'th out of the 93 riders in my age group so I should be happy with that as well. All in all a great day.

It's not the teflon

To my great relief I can safely say the teflon ligament in my knee is still in one piece and that makes me very happy. I took the brace off last night and had some movement in my knee because the painkillers were starting to take effect. I could tell then that the source of the problem is on the outside of my knee. There is a spot that is super tender to the touch and will still prevent me from riding the Centurion but at least the prospect of a long period of time rehabbing is fading. I don't know if the anterior cruciate ligament has been somehow damaged and I don't remember doing anything that could have damaged it so it's a bit of a puzzle.
Thankfully I didn't need the knee to jump to a conclusion that was completely wrong. Maybe it's all in my head. Yea, it's psychosomatic. Maybe I need to talk to someone about my inner demons, my low self esteem, my feelings of persecution. Maybe it's time for...................DR. LUCY!!!!!!!!!

The teflon holding my knee together

It's over

I trained hard through the summer and I'm now in better shape than I have ever been and it has all been for naught. I was looking forward to beating my 50 mile time from last years Centurion  but that's not going to happen now.
Over 20 years ago I tore my anterior cruciate ligament and my medial collateral ligament completely in a skiing accident. I was a beginner and going way too fast when it happened at Osler Bluff ski club. The surgeon inserted a teflon acl which is the ligament that really stabilizes your knee. It has worked great for me until some very minor problems cropped up this year.
Now I have a major problem. My knee started to hurt yesterday afternoon for no good reason and as of now I have next to no movement in it. It is sore as hell and I have become a gimp. I can't be sure but I think the teflon ligament has broken inside my knee. This is a worst case scenario but I can't think of what else could have happened to create this much trouble with the knee. The last time I had the surgery it was 6 months before I could finally walk properly again. I have my fingers crossed hoping that I am wrong. Please.
I am now back from emerg with an appointment to see the orthopedic surgeon next week. They seemed a bit reluctant to mess with a knee that had reconstructive surgery done on it in the dark ages. They actually heard what was done to it and commented "hmm, old school". Lucky for me I saved my knee brace from the original injury and am now wearing it which allows me a little more freedom of movement.

The Doctor is in

The Centurion ride is coming up this weekend and I have been training hard in hopes of beating my chip time of 2:59:09 from last year. This past weekend I did a 90 km ride through Creemore, Badjeros and Feversham and a 50 km ride up Grey 19, around and back down the Pretty River road and home. Both rides I pushed myself and after Sunday's 50 km ride I was feeling spent but considering that I averaged 28.6 kph on my 90 km ride the day before it was understandable that I would be tired. It was a good tired.
I will do only one more sprint ride on Wednesday and then I will rest up, try to get some carbs in for a couple of days before the race and hopefully improve on last year although weather conditions could certainly play a part in that also.
I am also aware that many athletes use sports psychologists to aid them in their performances and so I figured why not, it wouldn't be the first time I've visited a head doctor. I have been known to be a bit bonkers from time to time.
I found a sports psychiatrist which I guess is the same thing as a psychologist and she promised that she could improve my sports performances by helping me to focus on the positive, block out the negative and to trust in myself more. I call her Dr. Lucy and I think she is going to benefit me immensely. The cost is not covered under OHIP but I think it will be worth the out of pocket expense.

Baring my soul

I plan on seeing her after the Centurion to work on some other issues I have like difficulty trusting people and team mates. She has a great trust building exercise where she holds the football and then I try to kick a field goal. She is confident it will be beneficial to me. I can't wait.

3 Stage

3 Stage is the prime mountain biking spot in the Collingwood area. I would venture to say that it ranks right up there with other top rated mountain bike areas in North America. It has everything from fast twisty turny single track to rocky difficult technical sections to long lung busting climbs, sometimes all on the same trail.
When I first started riding here 3 Stage was nothing more than a double track road and a few trails going through it. Then about 12 -13 years ago my friends (Cam, Lori, Terry, Steve) and I set out to make our first trail there. When we were done it was a little soft but within 2 weeks enough riders had seen it, ridden it and enjoyed it to pack it down and to this day it is still a fun trail. We made several more trails over the years with my favourite being what is now called the Millennium trail made in 2000. It's fast with some tough technical sections placed in there to keep you on your toes. Terry made the best technical trail in 3 Stage which starts by the yellow posts. I think it's called Terry's Techy now and believe me, if you can ride through it in either direction without a foot or hand dab you have done very well indeed.
Since our trail building days many more trails have been made so that you could ride in there for several hours without riding the same trail twice. The more recently built trails tend to be rockier and more technical because of advances in bike technology. Full suspension bikes with 5 inches of travel are not unusual now so what was a tough section to us on our old hard tails with 2 inch travel forks is now a piece of cake on a newer bike. I used to thread my way through technical sections but the new riding method is to simply go over them. It's not better or worse, just different.
Regardless of the type of bike you have one thing that will never change is 3 Stage is a great place to ride.

A great story

I was watching the Daily show the other day and there was a great story covered by John Oliver that I thought was just the best. A couple in Naples, Florida were served a foreclosure notice by a Bank of America branch in the area. They protested to the bank that it was incorrect but the bank continued to harass them about foreclosing on their home. The thing is, they had paid cash for their home when they had bought it a few years earlier so it was free and clear. They finally decided to sue but had difficulty finding a lawyer willing to take on the Bank of America which says a lot about law firms and whose pockets they are in. Eventually they found a young lawyer who had recently passed the bar exam willing to proceed with the law suit and they won. The bank was ordered to pay $3,000.00 to the couple as a penalty for harassing them. The bank decided not to pay which says a lot about corporate respect for the law. The couple, not about to be screwed by the morally bankrupt, ethically challenged scumbag bank went out and found a sheriff who was willing to carry out his duties and two repo men who had previously done jobs for the bank. It seems they were more than happy to be involved in this repo job. They went into the bank with the sheriff's deputies and a court order to seize anything that wasn't nailed down. The bank manager was visibly shaken apparently and finally decided to negotiate a deal which covered the expenses that had been incurred by the couple. It's nice to see the shoe on the other foot for a change. I love that story. If you can check it out on youtube. It's worth watching.

Little victories, lots of aches

It's about 30 hours since I finished my 90 km ride and there is little doubt that I used up just about all of the energy I required to get through today. I have been a veritable useless bag of shit for the entire day, barely moving from the recliner. Walking the dog felt like a major chore. I suppose my state of exhaustion wouldn't be quite so advanced if I had just let Methuselah ride away. But no, not me. I'm 56 now but I still think there is something I have to prove. Today has proved that if I ride hard for 90 km I will feel like a bag of shit the next day. There's a reason I'm not a rocket scientist.
It's now a day later and I woke up feeling rested so I figured what the hell, may as well go for a ride to see how the legs respond. I did what I call my sprint ride which is 35 km of flats over by the airport. My legs felt pretty good so the idea was to try and beat my 32 kph average on the same ride that I did about a month ago. There was a SW breeze which had some effect on me but near the end of the ride I thought the 32 kph might be beatable but I was wrong. My average was 31.1 which I still was happy with because yesterday I could hardly get out of my recliner. My cadence was the highest I've managed to date at 83 rpm so that is a positive. High cadence is supposed to be more efficient so for an old hammer style mountain biker like myself it has taken some effort to increase my rate of pedaling. All in all a good ride on a beauty day.

The little victories

Today was a beauty riding day, overcast and about 23 C so off I went to ride the 50 mile Centurion course. This time I loaded up with Gatorade, lots of water and some snacks in hopes of not bonking big this time around.
I got to the top of the Grey 19 climb in good time for me and pushed on with the idea of treating this ride like a simulated race. It seemed to me like my speed was good and for the most part I felt fairly strong although by the time I turned back onto Grey 19 heading for home my legs were certainly a little heavy. Partway up the first climb an older gentleman (I think) pulled up beside me, we chatted for about a minute and then he passed me on the way to the crest of the hill. I couldn't let myself be passed by someone older (I think) than myself so I gave a little more and at the top I was back on his rear wheel. I then pulled a Jim Twining. I sat and drafted for about 2 minutes, got some energy and then pulled out and blew by him and hammered down. I'm sure I was a blur to him when passing, hopefully not because of his deteriorating vision. He never did manage to catch up to me either, hopefully not because of his varicose veins. I last saw him just before the Grey 19 downhill and yelled "see you later Methuselah" but it's doubtful he heard me, hopefully not because his hearing aid was on low.
In total it was 90 km done in 3:26 with an average speed of 26.2 kph and an average cadence of 77 rpm. I had an average heart rate of 148 bpm, a peak of 173 and the calories burnt reading was 3360 which is a little high. 2500 calories would be more accurate I think. Update: I went to a site that calculates calories burned for specific activities and it's estimate was 2966 calories.
As for passing Methuselah all I can say is the little victories in life sure feel good......to little people like me.

Share the Road

There is a program in the Collingwood area called Share the Road which promotes safe road riding and courtesy. It's a very simple program to follow. Cyclists ride in single file and automobiles give them a decent amount of room for safety's sake. I have noticed more this year than any other year that bicyclists are not holding up their end of the bargain. More and more I see bikers taking up the entire lane and not moving into single file when they realize a car is approaching. I can't be sure but I believe many of these riders are from out of town and are unaware of the concept or maybe they are just plain stupid.  In a confrontation between a bike and a car the car always wins. Now I'm not saying there aren't some assholes behind the wheel, there always will be but the bikers who will not ride single file are turning these assholes into bigger pricks. I have talked to several drivers lately who have mentioned that large groups of riders have steadfastly refused to ride single file and have held the cars up purposely and in my mind these riders are assholes as well. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal slowing a car down for 10 or 20 seconds but the fact of the matter is it's less of a big deal to get into a single file for 10 to 20 seconds. After all the roads were built originally for cars and regardless of what the laws say about the rights of cars and bikes sharing the road one thing will always hold true, cars don't feel pain.
In the future if you are in your car and you see a group of biking road hogs let them know in a respectful way that you too are a rider and would prefer if they rode single file when being approached by a car. There will always be the odd yahoo who will speed by you with very little room to spare but if we can ride single file I'm sure most vehicles will extend the courtesy of giving us a little more space. For those drivers who wait behind you until the oncoming traffic is past or you have finished your climb, well a little thank you wave wouldn't hurt.

I just want to ride.

Today I went back down to Steve's place on Snow Valley road for a mountain bike ride. Susan was also riding as were Cam and Lori. The weather was perfect for a ride .
On Tuesday when I rode there I reduced the air pressure in my front tire and the HiFi definitely handled better. It wasn't great but certainly it didn't pogo near as much as it had and my pinballing down the trail was greatly reduced. The bike was actually controllable.
During the ride today both Steve and Cam tried some adjustments which improved the bikes handling even more. The first was to reduce the air pressure in the fork to 100 lbs from the 130 it was at. Then they adjusted the rebound. With those 2 changes the bike handling improved even more. For the first time since I owned that bike it felt controllable, predictable and fast. Going through really rocky sections the bike did not surprise me once. It was a pleasure to ride. I should have figured out these adjustments for myself but sadly I am a techno-boob who just wants to get on the bike and ride. Why do forks have to be so adjustable? Lockout? Who needs it. Massive rebound and preload adjustments. Not necessary. I just want to ride. I don't really care how it works as long as it does. I mean, let's face it. I'm the mental midget who stuck his finger in the spokes while riding the bike last week.
It was a fun ride though and Steve and Susan served up some burgers afterwards so all in all a pretty good day. Lori even mentioned that I had lost some weight. What she doesn't know is I lose weight from my face and hardly anywhere else. If somehow I managed to lose 10 pounds my head would be the size of a peanut. Which would make sticking my fingers in the spokes more understandable.

Passed me like a ??????

Checked the weather forecasts this morning and rain wasn't predicted so Todd and I went for a ride up the Pretty River road. I didn't feel like I had a lot to give but a 2 hour ride wouldn't be too tough to take. About 3/4's of the way up the climb a guy passed me like I was standing still.....passed me like a drunk rushing to the bar for last call........passed me like the town slut looking for a better offer. You get the picture. I wanted to throw my water bottle at him but he was out of throwing distance in no time at all. Very humbling. Granted this guy was younger and about 30 pounds lighter but it still was a shot to my tattered ego.
Just as we turned west from Robroy it started to rain. So much for the weather forecast. It didn't rain hard or long, just enough to soak us and cause the sweat from my hair to run into my left eye and sting like mad for the next 20 minutes. The rain stopped and we dried off just in time for the high speed downhill on Grey 19 which was when it started to rain again and continued until we reached the bottom. Bad timing on our part I guess. I was soaked when I got home but at least I got a ride in and hopefully I will never see that blur who passed me ever again.

Twice a day

Yesterday I had two good rides. In the morning I was out on the road bike with Todd for a 45 km ride and then in the evening I drove to the Snow Valley area to go mountain biking with Steve (the birthday boy), Cam and a few others as well as Susan, Steve's better half.
I enjoy riding down there because it is more of a speed ride with lots of twisty turny trails as well as many ramps, bridges and other such man made obstacles. I would have to say that it is a more fun ride for me than many of the trails at 3-stage because it is a speed circuit. For me many of 3-stages trails are riddled with technical section after technical section with very little speed involved. It's almost like trials riding. I don't mountain bike near as much anymore so my lack of practice doesn't help the situation.
Last night the Gary Fisher HiFi was again acting like a pogo stick which has been driving me crazy. I have not been able to find a setting that will stop the Rock Shox Recon from bouncing me through every  technical section. The front end of the bike becomes impossible to control.
It was recommended that I lower the tire pressure to around 28 psi but when I tried this last year and made quick steering corrections I broke the seal on the tubeless tire, lost all the air and crashed hard the second time it happened. So what to do? Run the tire hard and pogo through everything or run it soft and risk flatting and possibly crashing.
I reduced the tire pressure last night after a lot of pogoing (not sure of the actual psi) and the bike became ridable again and I didn't flat. There must be a perfect pressure where the bike handles well and doesn't flat so in the next few rides I am going to try to find the sweet spot. Problem is I don't have an accurate tire pressure gauge that works on presta valves so I suppose an adaptor for the valve may needed.

56 and counting

As hard as it is to believe I am now 56 years old and like most other people my age I don't feel 56. I still think the same as I did 30 years ago. Other than my thinning grey hair, sore neck, my bad foot, carpal tunnel wrist, the wonky knee, my failing eyes and the necessity for high fibre foods I am physically the same. It's true that I grunt now trying to get out of the sports car and I have to plan my entry into it. It's also true that I know exactly where the ice bag and heating pad are at all times. I have foot beds in all my shoes and I do actually try to take better care of myself now. I guess the important thing is like many of my friends I still try to get out and exercise on a regular basis. I have no doubt that staying fit has greatly improved my quality of life.
The thing is I simply can't do what I could years ago but the thing is, I still think I can. The day has not yet arrived when I say I can't. It's the same with just about everyone I know, they do everything with the thought: I can. Doubt does not enter into it. We are older but we still want to compete and challenge ourselves every day and that is a beautiful thing. Now if only I could remember where the hell my car keys are so I could drive to the store for some painkillers. And while I'm on the topic of remembering, very few people did.

Pain in the neck

It's three days since the finger in the spokes incident and believe me, it's still very sore and very tender. I was worried about infection as well but I believe the blood erupted out of my finger so fast that bacteria just wasn't fast enough to get in. It seems to be healing well and is not what bothers me the most right now.
The most bothersome problem I have right now is a very sore neck. I started the season on my new Madone in a very racy position with the stem angled down and this was a mistake. After only one hour my neck would start to hurt and it was difficult to ride after two hours. I finally flipped the stem over so it was on a rise but the damage had already been done. My neck is unbelievably stiff now. I have been to a chiropractor eight times but there doesn't seem to be any improvement so I am now going to try to alleviate some of the pain and stiffness with my own remedy; Tylenol back pain tablets, tennis ball massages and hot and cold treatments. It may take a while but I really do believe my neck and upper back will improve in time.
I will take a week off the bike as well to get a decent start on the therapy. If all goes well and my neck improves I may enter in the 100 mile Centurion ride and if not the 50 mile ride will probably be more than enough. I never thought that my neck would be a problem but apparently many road bikers have neck pain and stiffness at one time or another. My thick skull may be making it worse.

Stoopid

Growing up there were certain things your parents taught you that were important lessons kids needed to know. Things like "don't run with scissors", "stay away from strange men" and "don't stick your finger in the spokes". I never ran with scissors and I stayed away from strange men so that means I learned those lessons well. Sadly the lure of sticking my finger into moving spokes was too great. My advice to you now is DON'T DO IT!!!!!!
I was out riding with Todd yesterday and we were just coming into Glen Huron when my bike computer stopped working. I was pretty sure it was the sensor on the fork that was the problem. I could have left well enough alone but that's not my nature so so I reached down and started fiddling with it. Baaad idea. The ring finger on my right hand got caught by a spoke and when all was said and done there was a chunk of flesh hanging from the side of my finger as well as an inch long cut. I had to stop in a lumber supply place for some bandages and after getting patched up we were back on our way.
My hope now is that if bad things happen in three's then I have now have had two close calls and inflicted grievous bodily harm to myself once so the rest of the season should be a cakewalk. If anyone asks about the spoke incident in the future I will simply say I was mesmerized by the spinning wheel. I figure if your dense enough to stick your finger into the spokes then being hypnotized by a spinning object can be my excuse. Or possibly I am simply stoopid.

Three days later

The Wall

Today was a good day for a sprint ride so I hopped on the bike and headed over past the airport and back for a total of 35 km's in an hour and seven minutes. My average speed was 31.1 kph which was down 1 kph from my 32.1 kph of two weeks ago on the same ride. I felt a little better than yesterday when it seemed like I had nothing to give. I did 72 km's yesterday with a fair amount of climbing involved but I definitely felt tired on arrival back at the house. I hadn't been on the bike for a week because of 9 days in a row of working so I had a tough time finding the motivation to get at it.
I must admit it feels a little bit like a wall has been hit where it is going to require much more work to improve my performances. Yesterday on the climb up Grey 19 Brent Kratz caught up to me with no problem and yes I was feeling tired but I didn't think I was that bad. It's so hard to tell whether it was just an off day or I really do suck.
Years ago playing hockey I do remember showing up at the rink feeling great and then having a shitty game and the following week feeling shitty and then having a great game. It's hard to tell sometimes what determines peak performance. I suppose my riding is too varied and my training not consistent enough to make accurate evaluations on my performance. Or maybe I'm just being a little hard on myself. It wouldn't be the first time.
Tonight it's off to Terry's place for his 65'th birthday. At 65 Terry still rides like a demon and loves mountain biking more than anyone I know. He's embarrassed many a young rider who realized in the first 5 minutes of a ride that there was no way they could keep up with him. I think he should change his nickname from oldphatbkr to pedalingpensioner. Happy birthday Terry.

Another close call

Well I am certainly hoping things don't come in three's because I had another close call on my road bike today. I had just made the turn off of Grey 19 onto Grey 2 heading for Ravenna. It's downhill so my speed at the time was probably around 55 kph. I noticed an older guy pulling out of his driveway in a very old Jeep Cherokee and assumed he had seen me but you know what they say assuming does.  He pulled out extremely slowly and when it became very obvious that he had no idea I was there I hit the brakes hard. I'm thankful for my many years of riding because my back wheel locked and started to fish out to the right but I caught it in time and managed to get slowed down just enough to make an evasive maneuver into the oncoming traffic lane. I passed him and it looked like he was more than a little bit surprised, possibly from the f-bombs I hurled at him going by.
That's two very close calls in three weeks. I know on the last one the guy did see me coming from behind like he did so I will never know what exactly happened there. On this one there's no doubt in my mind that it was simply a case of the driver taking a quick look for cars and when seeing no cars he pulled out into my lane. Scary stuff.

August already.

It's hard to believe it's August already. Summer is flying by but I must admit the weather has been great for riding. Other than the week long heat wave we had conditions are great on the trails and the road.
I rode up the Pretty River road this morning and over to Grey road 2 and back. That totalled 47 kms in about 1 hour 40 minutes. It was so nice out the ride would have been longer but I walked out the door and hopped on the bike without water so the ride had to be cut short a little bit.
I have finally set up the cadence sensor on the bike and decided an average of 75 rpm would be a good goal for the ride but at the end my average was 80 rpm. Not bad. In my mountain biking days I had a tendency to push big gears and that is now something I am trying to move away from. High cadence is the most efficient way to pedal according to the experts. It's also easier on my aging knees which are starting to show signs of wear and occasionally remind me that I'm  not a kid anymore.

I would also like to update folks on the latest creations of Stinkbreath aka Guinness. I call his latest masterpiece "The Ass of Clubs". That little meal must have been scrumptious.

Still alive

It's been a while so I would like to say I am still alive but I am lucky to be able to say that. Today on my ride a pickup pulling a house trailer came as close to me as any vehicle ever on a bike ride. I was heading west from Creemore but I hadn't made it to the climb when a truck came perilously close to me. I was listening to my MP3 so I wasn't aware of a vehicle coming but there is no doubt in my mind that I was inside of 1 foot from the roads edge. The pickup was close but when the trailer passed me I would guess that it was within 2 inches of hitting me. It scared the living shit out of me. He passed by me and then went off the road about 50 metres ahead of me and rode the shoulder for 10 or 20 metres before making it back to the road. By that time I had recovered enough to give him the finger as well as shouting out some of my best stuff.
Was he drunk? Probably not because it was only slightly after 11 in the morning. Maybe he was just a lousy driver or falling asleep at the wheel. I'll never know. I do know it scared the shit out of me and although I'm not sure listening to my MP3 made any difference I'm not sure if I'll continue to listen to it in the future.
As for the ride itself I felt as strong as ever and from Creemore I went to Badjeros and then back home. It totalled out at 76 km's in 2 hours and 40 minutes for an average of 28.5 kph. I'm happy with those numbers and even happier to be sipping on a cold Hockley Dark right now. If you love beer do yourself a favour and try Hockley Dark. It is one fantastic beer and tastes even better when you realize how close you were to disaster.

The Devious Bastard!

First of all I would like to say again I was thrilled that folks who came to my party a few months ago seemed to enjoy themselves and the pictures seem to validate this. Although I didn't want anyone to bring anything but themselves some were kind enough to bring a bottle of wine over which was truly appreciated. One gift which I believe was brought over by Cathy were the Baileys choooocccooooolaaaaates. I love Baileys Chocolate Treats like nothing else. I don't like to keep them in the house though because I would be 400 lbs now. They are so good, wonderful milk chocolate filled with Bailey's Irish Cream liqueur. MMMMMM! I had visions of savouring a couple per day for the following 2 or 3 weeks. Chocolate heaven.
The next morning I awoke, hung over and thinking that a Baileys Chocolate Treat would be a great start towards a hangover remedy. I staggered to the kitchen and there was a cereal bowl containing only 5 Baileys chocolates. That's hardly enough to satisfy me when I'm not hungover let alone when I am trying to recover from one of my worst mornings after. I had pictures in my head of party goers chowing down on my favourite chocolates knowing that I was too drunk to realize what was going on. I looked for evidence to support that theory but I could only find one or two Bailey's Chocolate wrappers. I envisioned everyone going home and cleaning Bailey's wrappers out of their pockets. I got up off my knees and put the garbage back, heartbroken that my friends had failed to recognize how much I love those chocolates.

Now it is 7 weeks after the party and I notice the old Baileys Chocolate Treats container leftover from Christmas which has been sitting empty beside the microwave. I figured I could use it for storing some kind of long skinny something (if you're reading this Myers stop giggling) but that never happened so I finally decide to throw it away. After not touching it for quite a while I picked it up and notice immediately that it was much heavier than it should be. I removed the lid and what did I find but this:




I'll track you down!

 Fucking full of Bailey's Chocolate treats. What devious bastard would put the fucking Baileys Chocolate Treats into the fucking Bailey's Chocolate Treats container. Hide them in plain sight! Toy with me why don't you. The levels of cruelty some people will stoop to. I wouldn't have bonked the other day if I had Baileys Chocolate Treats on the ride. I'm going to find out who comitted this dastardly deed. Be afraid, be very afraid.

BONK!

I'm guessing that most of you are aware of what a bonk is in riding parlance but it does have other meanings so I'll make sure it's clear. There is bonkers which means you are nuts and the term has been directed at me before but it's not the meaning being used today. There is getting bonked which is a real good thing but it's been a while since I have been able to find a willing co-bonker so that is not the subject of this blog either.
The bonk I am referring to is what happens when you go for a long ride and don't bring food or energy drinks and after about 3 hours your reserves run out and there are no energy sources left to draw on. That's what happened to me yesterday. I decided to ride the 50 mile centurion course but I wasn't bright enough to bring anything other than water on the ride with me. I left at around 9:30 AM confident that although it was getting warm it wouldn't have that bad an effect. How wrong could I be? By the time I got to the 3'rd big climb going back up Grey 2 to Ravenna (2 1/2 hrs in) it was becoming obvious that my energy stores were running low. I got to Ravenna and because I had now officially bonked the fact that there was $20 in my saddle pouch that could be used to buy things like food and sugar laden soft drinks didn't even occur to me. Instead I turned left and headed for the Scenic Caves downhill wondering if I could make the 3 tough climbs on the way there. Funny thing, my legs were fine when I was doing the tough climbs but as soon as I reached the top of the climbs and eased off on the pedalling a bit my quads started to hurt like hell. They continued to hurt like hell until the next climb. I hadn't expected that. I must admit it was my worst bonk ever.
I finally made it to the Caves road and survived the downhill and stopped at Steve's chalet to rest for a bit. I was dizzy and aching so there was no choice but to try and mooch some food for energy to get me home. Steve poured me a huge glass of orange juice but I didn't think it would go down so he found a Crispy Crunch candy bar and I woofed that down. Within a few minutes I started feeling a bit better and figured the ride home was possible so it was back on the bike and away I went. Thanks Steve.
I made it home in slow time, still exhausted but at least a ride home in someones car wasn't required because that would make me a pussy. The ride was 89.5 kms which is a good distance but not one that should have hurt like that if I had prepared properly. I'm 55 years old and still dumb as shit sometimes. When will I ever learn? Probably never.

It's not a cheese eater

Well my silly idea that it was mice eating my underwear has now been sent to the recycle bin. I left the cheese (shredded old cheddar) in the underwear drawer for a couple of days and it went untouched and as we all know any self respecting mouse would have chowed down on that until he was twice his body weight. I also now realize that if a mouse had eaten that much of my underwear he would probably be totally bunged up so I checked the medicine cabinet but the Exlax was untouched. That convinced me that I was barking up the wrong tree.

I have now turned my Sherlock like intuition to the only other possible creature in this house who would find solace by chewing on my somewhat pungent underwear. I believe my dear Watson that the underwear eating, foul breathed culprit could only be the nefarious...............................................



GUINNESS!!!!!! aka Stink Breath.

 Don't let that innocent, couldn't hurt a fly look fool you. Think about it. If he's dumb enough to go outside and eat snow surely he's dumb enough to chow down on my pungent underwear. Or maybe he's dumb like a fox. Maybe he's eating my underwear and then going outside and eating snow to get rid of the bad taste in his mouth. Ummmm. I don't like where this is leading me....................It's summer as well so he can't chow down on snow right now so he would have to find a substitute to cleanse his palate. I did catch him eating shit shortly after I discovered the munched upon underwear. Ummmmm. I don't like where this is leading me................It's possible my theories on why he eats snow and shit are misguided but let there be no doubt that Guinness, that beady eyed little alleged laundry luncher is the prime suspect now and I shall be watching him closely from here on in. The little devil.

What's Eating Gary's Gauchies?????????????????

I would first like to say that this may be my last post for a while. It will become obvious to every one (all 4 of you) of my readers that I am running out of subject manner and therefore I have decided to "jump the shark" so to speak which is a show biz term for using the absurd in a vain attempt to keep people watching a dying sitcom. Some of you may say that writing about my heart rates, boring bike rides and other men grabbing my ass was jumping the shark but I am about to sink to an all time low reminiscent to the introduction of the Great Gazoo on the Flintstones. When he appeared it was obvious that Fred and Wilma had but a few shows left before being unceremoniously dumped. I can only hope that committing literary hari kari as I am about to do will not turn me into more of a social outcast than I already am.

Let's get to it. About a month ago I climbed out of the shower, dried off and went straight for the underwear drawer because there is nothing scarier than a 55 year old man walking around the house starkers. I grabbed the first pair of undies I saw and yanked them on only to flip out in a literal sense which left me hanging......so to speak. Please be aware that my being of Scottish heritage means I can't throw my underwear out until the elastic goes. When I am forced to reach down my pants about 20 time a day to yank my briefs back up is when I realize it's time to start using them as a dish rag. Just kidding, usually by the time the elastic gives out they have the absorbency of a fishing net. Anyways this pair was fairly new and therefore the elastic was strong and they were diaper like in their absorbency. The front of them was chewed to shit. Several holes and cloth dangling and all I could think of is I have mice or there is some kind of dangerous substance emanating from me or mine.....so to speak.

I have never seen mice in my house nor have I ever seen any evidence of mice but I checked the underwear drawer and found no evidence of the little critters. Now I have a mystery on my hands. Is Guinness secretly rummaging through my laundry in search of the ever pungent underwear and then chowing down? I suppose this is possible because he is a dog and does all the usual dog things like ball licking and shit eating. Yes, it's hard to admit to but I have seen him eat shit so I suppose my underwear might be caviar to him. Who knows?

I had almost forgotten about the chewed up underwear incident when last night I was again making the naked 55 year old sprint to the underwear drawer. I grabbed the first available pair and as I was yanking them on I could see carpet through them. This is what I discovered.

That is about a 2"x 3" hole and it sure looks like something has been chewing on them to make it. Now I must admit I was relieved when I discovered the hole was in the ass of that pair because I was able to eliminate the something emanating from me scenario. I mean, I've never been old before so who really knows what happens to ones body. I was perplexed about what the hell was going on with my underwear but I was even more disturbed that I was a 55 year old man standing around starkers so I reached into the underwear drawer one more time and tried my luck again. I quickly yanked the new pair on and felt better for about 2 seconds. As soon as I made a quick move to the t-shirt drawer (because I'm a 55 year old standing around without a shirt on) I flipped out in a literal sense which left me pointing east (Mecca?, a bar? A WOMAN!?) out the side of my underwear. I slowly removed the underwear while checking to see if Guinness was peeking around the corner and laughing at me but he was nowhere to be seen.

Once again there I was starkers in my room inspecting my underwear and this is what I found.

That looks like something took one big chomp and went right through the border. What the hell could it be? I don't think it's mice but I guess that's a possibility. It's not like they are edible underwear that I bought by accident because I am pretty sure Mark's Work Wearhouse doesn't carry edibles unless they are WD-40 flavoured and I doubt mice would like those ones. I have decided that I am going to put some cheese in my underwear drawer tonight and see if it has been eaten tomorrow morning. And if my underwear smell like cheddar then I can only hope all my jobs for the next few days are for people who don't own a dog.

Snapping turtles, updated

It seems this year is a banner year for turtles. I mentioned in an earlier post about the two painted turtles that sadly ended up as roadkill. I have seen several snapping turtles as well trying to cross the highway so I have had to stop a couple of times to help them across the road before they became roadkill. The snappers I have seen have all been about a foot in diameter and they are ornery buggers when you pick them up to help out. I have been told and that they have really long necks and can still bite you even if you are holding them at the side of their shell. This is not true. The couple that I have picked up could never come close to biting my hands at the side of their shell. You have to watch out for the claws but overall there is little risk to picking one up.
That being said the snapper I saw yesterday at the side of the road didn't need any help. When I saw her she was about 5 feet away from the road edge where the road shoulder is starting to fall away. I knew it was a she because when I stopped for a closer look I saw the most amazing thing. She had dug a hole about 8 inches deep and when I took a peek in I could see a bunch of eggs at the bottom. They were about  3/4 of an inch in diameter and translucent white in colour. Apparently it is fairly common for snappers to bury their eggs in the shoulder of the road because the mixture of gravel and sand is perfect for the eggs. I watched from a distance for 1/2 an hour and she was still laying so I moved on hoping that she wouldn't try to venture across the road when she was done. Let's hope the babies know which way to go when they hatch. All in all it was a pretty amazing thing to see. I'll have to start bring my camera to work.

The update: So today I bring my camera to work and I am driving down a sideroad near Elora when believe it or not I see a snapping turtle on the shoulder of the road and it looks like it's laying eggs. The first thing that came into my mind was....Friggin turtles are getting way more action than I am. The second thing was to take a picture of the blessed event. So I did although today you cannot see the eggs in the hole so I am not sure if she had laid any or if they were being blocked from my sight by her leg. Amazing though, two days in a row and two turtles laying eggs. What are the odds? Obviously better than me getting.....?

She's a looker

Digging the hole

Enough already.

It was six days ago when the Bruins beat the Canucks for the Stanley Cup but I think there has been more hockey shit on the radio and tv since then than at any time throughout the season. Coverage of the riot, panel discussions about the riot, the parade in Boston, panel discussions about the parade in Boston and on and on and on. Give it a rest. It's the first day of god damn summer and in this country you can't get away from hockey.
I went out for a ride tonight and when I get home and turned the tv on it was tuned to TSN and guess what's on. What else, the same group of morons I been watching for the last friggin century it seems like. And guess what the show was about? No sane person ever could. It was a mock draft as in some so called experts give their opinions on what order the incoming junior players will be drafted. That's right, speculation by a group of manglers of the english language on what might happen 3 days from now if Sagittarius is in the fifth moon of Johnny Bower during an eclipse. And do you know what constitutes an expert nowadays? All it takes is one arse to say he's an expert and then find someone stupid enough to agree with him. Presto! An expert is born.
It's like today's news reports. Half of it isn't news, it's reporting on the comments of a so called expert (an arse who found someone stupid enough to agree that he is) who has decided that oil prices might go up in the next year unless of course they don't go up. It's fucking madness and I have no idea how this shit has become newsworthy but I suppose there is so much time to fill and so much media trying to justify their existence that just about anything can become news.
That being said the mock hockey draft has come to an end on TSN and the show following is, wait for it....... drum roll please............Hockey 2 nite. Give me the strength to not throw a brick through the tv in hopes of hitting Pierre MacGuire, the mouth that never shuts the fuck up. And what the hell is with 2 nite? Is it possible to misspell a word any worse than that. Damn!

The evolution of mountain biking

In my last post I discused the differences between my Sugar and my Hi Fi mountain bikes. They look roughly the same but are very different due to the ever advancing research and development to create bikes that ride smooth and will go over anything. When I first started riding over 20 years ago the technical innovation that we thought was fantastic was indexed shifters which allowed you to change gears without having to get the shift lever in the exact position. Just push with your thumb until you hear a click and presto you are in the next gear.
I remember my first rides at Kolapore when we had no suspension on the bikes and so going over obstacles was not a great option so you went around them. We used to end many of our rides around Blue Mountain by racing down Happy Valley (without suspension) and your biggest problem was visibility because your head was bouncing up and down so fast from the bumps that it was tough to see. We did it though because Jozo's and a cold beer was at the bottom of the hill. A fall was guaranteed to hurt. I first met Lori after a crash she had coming down Happy Valley and I don't think her shoulder has ever fully recovered so rest assured it was risky coming down there. I'm know full suspension bikes come down the hill much faster now but I doubt it is any more hair raising.
A few years later suspension forks came on the scene which help take some of the pounding and then full suspension bikes started appearing about 15 years ago but like any other innovation it has taken quite a few years to refine those bikes although in racing hardtails are still prevalent and winning. I think for most racers hardtails are lighter and because many courses are not that technical the hardtail is the choice.
With the new big travel suspension bikes has come a change to trails and the way they are made or maybe the bikes have changed because the trails are becoming more technical. A chicken or egg scenario. All I know is trails are getting rockier and more technical but because of these new bikes have so much suspension travel it's not much different than the riding on tamer trails with no suspension.
The sport of mountain biking has changed over the years and I don't think it's any better or more fun now than it was 20 years ago but there is no doubt about it, it's different.

Three Stage, Day 2

It was back to Three Stage again today with Terry along for the ride as well as Steve. We did a lot of trails that weren't covered yesterday and some trails that I have never been on before.
Before leaving I went to the Rock Shox website to look for info on my fork which didn't seem to be working very well for me. There were no schematics or air pressure information that was of use to me so I headed out with some questions about whether or not it is a terrible fork or I haven't set it up correctly. I don't mountain bike near as much as I used to so it's hard for me to tell how much is my poor performance and how much is the bikes.
I will say that I have had this bike for a few years now but I have never really warmed up to it. It's a Gary Fisher Hi Fi and it is a much different bike than the Gary Fisher Sugar that I rode and raced for many years. I still remember my first ride on the Sugar. It took about 15 minutes of riding for me to realize that I loved that bike. It just fit my body and my riding style perfectly. In retrospect I wish I had kept it and the odds are I might still be choosing it for rides over the H Fi. The Sugar was quick and nimble and it suited my active in the seat riding style perfectly. The Hi Fi is heavier, I sit straighter up on it and it's 4.5 inches of suspension travel allows you to ride over more obstacles. I guess the problem is my style has always been to thread the needle, go around things if I could. I liked the Sugar's thinner tires which fit between rocks on the trail. Because it was so nimble it reacted quickly to my input and always did what I expected it to do. I had 8 years of great riding on that bike. The Hi Fi does some things well but overall it does not have a race bike pedigree. The Sugar was a scalpel, the Hi Fi is a dull knife.
That being said one of the reasons I was having trouble on the Hi Fi was the Rock Shox fork was simply awful. It was like having a pogo stick on the front. Hitting a small rock would cause the fork to kick back at me and make riding technical sections doubly hard. I tried adjusting the rebound but that didn't seem to help. I finally got Terry and Steve to help me out and it turns out the air pressure in the fork was down to 60 psi. That's much too low so we took a guess and pumped it up to 125 psi which did the trick. From then on it was a much different bike which pissed me off because the only reason left for my lousy riding was operator error. I did improve on yesterdays ride but I suspect my performances on the Hi Fi will never come close to what I was able to do on the Sugar. That Sugar was one sweet bike (sorry, couldn't resist).
It was great to be out riding with the boys again as well because they put up with my ranting and raving on the trails. I called myself a fucking idiot about 30 times today so that's a reduction from yesterday. At least I improved on something.


The Sugar at Gooseberry Mesa in Utah



Three Stage

It took me a while but I finally got out for a ride on my mountain bike. I met my friend Steve up at Three Stage and we headed out for a nice ride on what could only be described as a beautiful day. The trails were dry so the traction was excellent.

Because I have not been mountain biking for quite a while my skills were lacking. I hit a lot more rocks than I usually would that would have to be attributed to poor vision. I have always stressed to new riders how important it is to look ahead as much as you can but that's easy to say but a little harder to do. I found myself looking down far too often and when this happens the result is you hit more rocks. Looking ahead allows you to plan your route and instead of reacting to obstacles in the trail you are anticipating them and therefore missing most of the things you wish to avoid. Looking ahead allows you to flow through the trail and that results in speed with less effort. I was also looking at obstacles instead of looking at the route I should be taking which is not a good idea for we all know one of the golden rules of mountain biking is if you look at that rock you will hit that rock.
Steve rode pretty much flawlessly for the ride but I knew many years ago when he first started riding that he had what it takes to be a great rider. He is fearless going through the tough technical stuff and just knows what to do to get that Santa Cruz humming along at a great pace. I was left banging off of rocks trying to keep up. The only thing that may have slowed him down was his wondering what the hell was with all the swearing behind him. I guess that will be my strategy in future rides.
All in all a fantastic day at Three Stage topped off perfectly with a couple of cold beers that Steve brought along. That boy has his priorities straight, I'll say that.

Steve at the lookout