Still alive

It's been a while so I would like to say I am still alive but I am lucky to be able to say that. Today on my ride a pickup pulling a house trailer came as close to me as any vehicle ever on a bike ride. I was heading west from Creemore but I hadn't made it to the climb when a truck came perilously close to me. I was listening to my MP3 so I wasn't aware of a vehicle coming but there is no doubt in my mind that I was inside of 1 foot from the roads edge. The pickup was close but when the trailer passed me I would guess that it was within 2 inches of hitting me. It scared the living shit out of me. He passed by me and then went off the road about 50 metres ahead of me and rode the shoulder for 10 or 20 metres before making it back to the road. By that time I had recovered enough to give him the finger as well as shouting out some of my best stuff.
Was he drunk? Probably not because it was only slightly after 11 in the morning. Maybe he was just a lousy driver or falling asleep at the wheel. I'll never know. I do know it scared the shit out of me and although I'm not sure listening to my MP3 made any difference I'm not sure if I'll continue to listen to it in the future.
As for the ride itself I felt as strong as ever and from Creemore I went to Badjeros and then back home. It totalled out at 76 km's in 2 hours and 40 minutes for an average of 28.5 kph. I'm happy with those numbers and even happier to be sipping on a cold Hockley Dark right now. If you love beer do yourself a favour and try Hockley Dark. It is one fantastic beer and tastes even better when you realize how close you were to disaster.

The Devious Bastard!

First of all I would like to say again I was thrilled that folks who came to my party a few months ago seemed to enjoy themselves and the pictures seem to validate this. Although I didn't want anyone to bring anything but themselves some were kind enough to bring a bottle of wine over which was truly appreciated. One gift which I believe was brought over by Cathy were the Baileys choooocccooooolaaaaates. I love Baileys Chocolate Treats like nothing else. I don't like to keep them in the house though because I would be 400 lbs now. They are so good, wonderful milk chocolate filled with Bailey's Irish Cream liqueur. MMMMMM! I had visions of savouring a couple per day for the following 2 or 3 weeks. Chocolate heaven.
The next morning I awoke, hung over and thinking that a Baileys Chocolate Treat would be a great start towards a hangover remedy. I staggered to the kitchen and there was a cereal bowl containing only 5 Baileys chocolates. That's hardly enough to satisfy me when I'm not hungover let alone when I am trying to recover from one of my worst mornings after. I had pictures in my head of party goers chowing down on my favourite chocolates knowing that I was too drunk to realize what was going on. I looked for evidence to support that theory but I could only find one or two Bailey's Chocolate wrappers. I envisioned everyone going home and cleaning Bailey's wrappers out of their pockets. I got up off my knees and put the garbage back, heartbroken that my friends had failed to recognize how much I love those chocolates.

Now it is 7 weeks after the party and I notice the old Baileys Chocolate Treats container leftover from Christmas which has been sitting empty beside the microwave. I figured I could use it for storing some kind of long skinny something (if you're reading this Myers stop giggling) but that never happened so I finally decide to throw it away. After not touching it for quite a while I picked it up and notice immediately that it was much heavier than it should be. I removed the lid and what did I find but this:




I'll track you down!

 Fucking full of Bailey's Chocolate treats. What devious bastard would put the fucking Baileys Chocolate Treats into the fucking Bailey's Chocolate Treats container. Hide them in plain sight! Toy with me why don't you. The levels of cruelty some people will stoop to. I wouldn't have bonked the other day if I had Baileys Chocolate Treats on the ride. I'm going to find out who comitted this dastardly deed. Be afraid, be very afraid.

BONK!

I'm guessing that most of you are aware of what a bonk is in riding parlance but it does have other meanings so I'll make sure it's clear. There is bonkers which means you are nuts and the term has been directed at me before but it's not the meaning being used today. There is getting bonked which is a real good thing but it's been a while since I have been able to find a willing co-bonker so that is not the subject of this blog either.
The bonk I am referring to is what happens when you go for a long ride and don't bring food or energy drinks and after about 3 hours your reserves run out and there are no energy sources left to draw on. That's what happened to me yesterday. I decided to ride the 50 mile centurion course but I wasn't bright enough to bring anything other than water on the ride with me. I left at around 9:30 AM confident that although it was getting warm it wouldn't have that bad an effect. How wrong could I be? By the time I got to the 3'rd big climb going back up Grey 2 to Ravenna (2 1/2 hrs in) it was becoming obvious that my energy stores were running low. I got to Ravenna and because I had now officially bonked the fact that there was $20 in my saddle pouch that could be used to buy things like food and sugar laden soft drinks didn't even occur to me. Instead I turned left and headed for the Scenic Caves downhill wondering if I could make the 3 tough climbs on the way there. Funny thing, my legs were fine when I was doing the tough climbs but as soon as I reached the top of the climbs and eased off on the pedalling a bit my quads started to hurt like hell. They continued to hurt like hell until the next climb. I hadn't expected that. I must admit it was my worst bonk ever.
I finally made it to the Caves road and survived the downhill and stopped at Steve's chalet to rest for a bit. I was dizzy and aching so there was no choice but to try and mooch some food for energy to get me home. Steve poured me a huge glass of orange juice but I didn't think it would go down so he found a Crispy Crunch candy bar and I woofed that down. Within a few minutes I started feeling a bit better and figured the ride home was possible so it was back on the bike and away I went. Thanks Steve.
I made it home in slow time, still exhausted but at least a ride home in someones car wasn't required because that would make me a pussy. The ride was 89.5 kms which is a good distance but not one that should have hurt like that if I had prepared properly. I'm 55 years old and still dumb as shit sometimes. When will I ever learn? Probably never.

It's not a cheese eater

Well my silly idea that it was mice eating my underwear has now been sent to the recycle bin. I left the cheese (shredded old cheddar) in the underwear drawer for a couple of days and it went untouched and as we all know any self respecting mouse would have chowed down on that until he was twice his body weight. I also now realize that if a mouse had eaten that much of my underwear he would probably be totally bunged up so I checked the medicine cabinet but the Exlax was untouched. That convinced me that I was barking up the wrong tree.

I have now turned my Sherlock like intuition to the only other possible creature in this house who would find solace by chewing on my somewhat pungent underwear. I believe my dear Watson that the underwear eating, foul breathed culprit could only be the nefarious...............................................



GUINNESS!!!!!! aka Stink Breath.

 Don't let that innocent, couldn't hurt a fly look fool you. Think about it. If he's dumb enough to go outside and eat snow surely he's dumb enough to chow down on my pungent underwear. Or maybe he's dumb like a fox. Maybe he's eating my underwear and then going outside and eating snow to get rid of the bad taste in his mouth. Ummmm. I don't like where this is leading me....................It's summer as well so he can't chow down on snow right now so he would have to find a substitute to cleanse his palate. I did catch him eating shit shortly after I discovered the munched upon underwear. Ummmmm. I don't like where this is leading me................It's possible my theories on why he eats snow and shit are misguided but let there be no doubt that Guinness, that beady eyed little alleged laundry luncher is the prime suspect now and I shall be watching him closely from here on in. The little devil.