I've cooled off

OK, I think I have calmed down now from the whiteout incident from the previous post. I still have no idea what happened there. All I know is the post looks normal when I am composing it but when I post it to the blog the whiteout shows up. I suppose I could investigate to find out why but I simply do not have the energy. I can only hope whatever caused the problem will not occur again. If you double or triple click in the whiteout area the text will show up in blue so it is possible to read but maybe not worth the trouble.I don't think my next job will be as an office assistant.
Today actually looks like it will be a good bike riding day. It's 1C right now but the high is supposed to be around 13 so Aaron and myself will be heading out at 1 PM for a ride up the Pretty River road and then to Feversham and back. It should work out to about 2 hours saddle time. It's a good ride as well because of the climb up to Robroy which is a long tough little climb, especially the last two corners. I am nowhere near in great bike riding condition yet but the ski trip to Colorado did help me on the first ride of the year last week.

I'm back from the ride now but I was on my own because Aaron couldn't make it, probably because he's tired of trying to keep up with a guy 25 years older. I rode almost to Feversham and back for a total of 53.5 km. Going out was a lot of uphill and coming back was tough because the last 15 km were right into the teeth of a stiff breeze. I'm in not bad shape except for my ass which is more than a little bit saddle sore right now. My heart rate monitor tells me I was out for 2 hrs, 4 mins, I had a peak heart rate of 171 with a ride average of 148. The calorie total was 2018 which is too high I think, I'm guessing 1200 calories burned would be closer to the truth. It was a nice ride and when I arrived back at home and removed my helmet it was obvious that my bad case of dorsalling is still with me. I don't know what it is but the combination of the helmet, my sweating and the type of hair I have make it look like I'm growing a dorsal fin on my head. On the bright side dorsalling is better than catamaraning which is three sprouts of hair, one in the middle and one on either side of my head making it seem like I was riding while balancing a small catamaran on my head. It's not a good look but who cares, it's the riding that matters.

The Dead Zone

This is the time of year in Collingwood I call the dead zone. This one goes from the end of ski season until the May 24 weekend and there is another one that runs from after Thanksgiving to the first ski day. The town is noticeably quieter. the good part of this is that many restaurants offer up dinner specials to try to entice customers due to the reduction in business. I just want to know why they can't offer up beer specials, that would entice me more.
The ski season just ended this weekend so it was 4 1/2 months long which is a good season for Blue. I personally had a 25 day ski year including the 6 days in Colorado. That means my 5x7 pass worked out to less than $10 per day which is a great deal. I really enjoyed skiing this year. The only thing missing was I didn't get out on a weekend to ski with Silvia, Steve, Terry and the rest of the weekend crowd. I will make sure that problem will be remedied next year.
I finally got out for a bike ride yesterday and although it wasn't exactly warm it was a nice 42 km ride on my new bike. My buddy Aaron was also on his new bike so we both had good cases of newbikeitis. The sun was shining and there were many people out riding, enjoying the day and getting a little exercise. I was wearing a heart rate monitor for the ride and the results were: 1 1/2 hour ride, minimum heart rate of 118, max of 167, average of 149. The monitor also gave a calories burned total of 1457 but I am quite sure that is much to high. The monitor was set for my age and weight but I still think that total is incorrect.
Using the monitor on the ride has given me an idea for a little experiment. I will keep track on my rides of my heart but I will also wear it for doing house chores such as vacuuming, washing the car or cutting the lawn. It will be interesting to compare the numbers, especially the calories because although I think the total is high,  it will give an idea of the benefits of just doing things around the house. I just hope I can remember to put the monitor on for the household chores.
OK, I have no idea why this piece of shit has whited out a section of this post but I have deleted that section and redone it but it was still fucking whited out so who the fuck knows. Piss me off but I am not going to redo it. If you double click on the article the whole thing will appear and you can read it in blue I think. If this does not work for you please post a comment so I can try to fix the fucking thing. You may have also noticed on a previous post that the paragraphs were all screwed up. I don't know what happened there either but sometimes I would like to toss this piece of shit through the window.

Nitro

It's been a year and a half now since I lost little Nitro. I thought Nitro was the greatest dog in the world which is what all dog owners think of theirs I'm sure. He was a Havanese, Cuba's national dog and he was declared a champion after only 2 shows. His show name was Pocopayasos in your Face and he came

  from a long line of champions. He was put to stud before he had reached 1 year old and from what the breeder told me he excelled at his job. I was lucky enough to get him just as he turned 3 although he was missing a couple of parts due to the agreement with the breeder. The day I picked him up he was understandably nervous in the car in a crate and he wasn't feeling great either because his nuts had just been cut off so it was no surprise when he threw up. I got him home and he had a dump on the carpet within

5 minutes so it was a quick indoctrination into owning a dog. Nitro was hard to house train because he was in a kennel in a large garage his whole life so he was pretty used to going on the floor. He also had a

bad case of kennel cough when I got him which meant little white blobs of flem around the house. The first morning I had him he got out of the back door and I chased him around the neighbourhood for about 45 minutes before turning for home only to have him follow 3 feet behind me and go straight in the door when I opened it. He was just letting me know who was boss.

  There were obviously a few bumps in the road for the two of us but I know that little devil loved me as much as I loved him. One day I whacked my knee while mountain biking and I had to hobble into the house because my knee was so sore. Without a word of a lie Nitro came up to me 5 minutes later holding his front paw in the air and hobbled around with me for a while. I locked myself out of the house one night so I went to the back and put a hockey stick through the dog door to try and dislodge the wood slat holding the sliding door shut. Nitro was sleeping 5 feet away and awoke to me on my knees outside in the freezing rain cursing and swearing. I was unsuccessful so I went to sleep in the Solstice. I forgot to close the gate and when I awoke in the car 2 hours later and looked outside there was Nitro, soaked but sitting waiting for me to wake up. What a great little guy. I loved to watch him sleep because he could crash in what looked like the most uncomfortable positions and be dead to the world.

   Suffice to say Nitro was the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I had no idea how much that little guy meant to me until he got out because instead of fixing the gate I screwed up and the gate stayed open one day. He was clueless about cars and headed over to the very busy High street. I searched all that night and was combing the woods behind the house the next morning at 6 but I couldn't find him. Lori arrived at about 10 AM to help me look for him and it was shortly afterwards that I received the dreaded phone call. Nitro was dead. For the first time in my life I burst into tears, my little friend was gone. I loved that little guy. He is buried in the back yard now under my Dad's memorial tree and I still think of him every day. I could go on forever but I can hardly see now for the tears.

  I didn't waste any time getting another dog. I couldn't handle the huge hole in my life now that Nitro was gone so I looked on Kijiji and saw a Cockapoo that badly needed a home so I drove down to see him. Shadow came up to me right away and seemed like a great little guy so I took him home with me. He is called Guinness now and he is also a great little dog who is napping beside me at this very moment. He will never replace Nitro but then again Nitro could never replace him. Goodbye Nitro, I love you you little devil, Hello Guinness, I love you you little devil.

Video

  Saturday night I had Silvia and Steve over for dinner (Silvia did just about everything) and afterwards we fired up the XBox Kinnect to try the newest thing in video games. It is basically a camera that watches you and then transfers your body motions into the game itself on the TV screen. It takes a little time to set it up but overall it's quite easy to do and worth the time spent. Once the set up was done either Silvia or Steve could simply stand in front of the camera and they would be recognized by the game and be able to play with their settings in the memory. Amazing. This game differs from the other games such as Wii because there is nothing to be held in your hand while playing which appeals to me.  Games  include soccer, football, equestrian jumping, boxing, hang gliding and skiing. We tried them all and had a lot of fun. Silvia even ended up on the floor while playing football. She also kicked my ass when we were boxing which is neat because you can box against the computer or against the person standing beside you. Steve also knocked me out boxing. Very humbling. The ski game can also be played by two people standing side by side in the ski cross mode. My personal favourite is the hang gliding game which requires you to go through targets and find hot air risers to stay in the air for longer periods of time. Very cool. I think it is a real leap forward for video games and although the system isn't perfect it was tons of fun, tiring and will only get better in the future. I remember when I was 16 years old and received Pong for Christmas and we all thought it was amazing. Then came Donkey Kong,  Pacman, Galaga and the many other great video games which I spent more than a few dollars on playing. So that makes me a 55 year old who still enjoys playing kids game. Guilty as charged. They're fun, they keep my mind occupied for hours on end and I suspect I will be playing them for a long time to come. I may never grow up and I'm fine with that.

Forget about it.

  If the sport of forgetting is ever invented I am sure I will vault to the top ranks in short order. I have been to say the least absent minded and forgetful my entire life. The old saying "he'd forget his head if it wasn't screwed on" applies to me at all times. I am writing about this now because I just looked outside at the rain coming down and noticed that steam was rising from the BBQ which could only mean one thing. I left the damn thing on last night after using it to grill a steak. I figured I would leave it on for a while longer to burn off some of the fat. Oh, I'll remember before I go out. Sure I will. You would think after 55 years I would realize that the odds of me remembering to shut it off were slim to nil but not me. I forgot how forgetful I am. It's natural gas fed as well so it wouldn't run out for about 1000 years. The BBQ has cooled down now so that the only steam to be seen is emanating from my ears. I remember (two words I rarely use) as a child telling my Mother that I was going to run away from home at the end of the school day and then forgetting completely about it. Felt silly that day when she asked me what I was doing home. She used to make a lunch for me every day and the only way she could be assured that I would remember it would be to hang it around my neck like an oat bag. I have missed making a turn in my car, made a u-turn and then driven right by the road again. I rented a locker while skiing in Beaver Creek last week, opened it up, inserted the token and locked it. Predictibly I for got to put the knap sack in the friggin locker before locking it. DUH! My house is always in a state of disarray because I am afraid if I put something away I may never see it again. My MP3 is awol at this moment. I haven't seen it in over a month. I'm positive it was in a coat pocket but I have checked all my pockets and it is nowhere to be seen. I'm now hoping it was stolen because that means my memory or lack thereof is not responsible for its disappearance and if it was stolen I hope Neil Diamonds greatest hits goes into a continuous loop on the thief. Or was that Neil Sedaka? Shit, I forget.

Ski season summary

 It's a beautiful Wednesday and the ski season is over for all of us now so I figured I would look back on the year.
  I had a thoroughly enjoyable year skiing this year, probably the most fun I have had skiing in many years. I even managed to get out on the snowboard 3 times out of the roughly 25 times at the hill. It would have been great to board one day in Colorado but I couldn't fit it in my bag along with the skis. Oh well, you can't have everything.
  Thursday was my ski day of choice this year because the crowds were small and it seems to be the lucky day for good visibility on the hill. Lori came up Thursdays as well and Cam made it up for some of them (he's management now so there are fewer play days). We would ski until around 11:15 and then head to Jozo's for lunch which usually included the onion rings. Best onion rings I have ever had.                                         
  I don't think I had any spectacular crashes this year but I did go through the windshield on Starters Gate one day. I slid down on my chest for a ways before managing to stop, looked around and happily notice that no one saw or heard it which raises the age old question...If Gary crashes on the hill and no one sees or hears it and his subsequent cursing goes undetected, did it really happen? The answer is of course, it wouldn't be a real ski day if I wasn't grooming some hill somewhere. I tend to ski the way I mountain bike which is on the verge of disaster at all times. You only live once. And besides on a really cold day somebody has to provide the comic relief .
  Speaking of comic relief Lori and I had what might have been the best laugh of the year on O-Hill (or whatever it's called now) about a month ago. We were both sporting an illegal smile (thank you John Prine) and heading up on the chair when we noticed a portly oversized chubby obese fat fucker who had crashed and was now attempting to walk about 25 feet up the hill to retrieve one of his skis. It looked like that was the most exercise he had had in several years. He finally made it to the ski, turned around and after a step or two began skiing down the hill in his boots. By the time he stopped himself he had gone past the other ski and now had to turn uphill again and struggle some more. The chair had stopped so Lori and I had birds eye view of  his efforts and due to the illegal smile we were probably more amused that we would normally have been. He finally made it back to the ski, bent over to try to get them back on and started sliding backwards down the hill in the shape of a tripod. He must have waxed his ski boots.Well this was just more than we could take and we broke into a raucous illegal laugh. The people beside us had no idea what was going on and thankfully due to darkened ski goggles they would never guess. The chair finally started to move again causing me to yell at them to "STOP THE CHAIR" for the first time in my life. Moments like these are precious. Sadly the chair kept on going and we didn't get to see him ski down the hill. I know we shouldn't have been laughing but sometimes you just can't help yourself and I know one thing for sure, I hope I see him on O-Hill again next year while I am wearing an illegal smile.

Back to work and debate.

    Today will be my second day back at work after a fun and laughter filled vacation. Ski and biking vacations are the best as far as I am concerned. I do like going to an island occasionally to lie in the sun but that gets boring real fast. The only drag about this years ski vacation is that my knees are sore from either the bump runs or from walking up the damn stairs to the loft twice as many times as necessary due to a faulty memory. It seems the only thing I get better at with age is forgetting.
  Last night I remembered to watch the debate and although I don't think there was any clear winner I believe Harper presented his points the best although I am biased because I will be voting conservative in the election this year. I was also hoping that Harper would take 6 steps to his left and bop that traitorous bastard Duceppe right in the face to shut him up. What a slimy little prick. Only in Canada could someone who is devoted to breaking up the country take part in an election debate on policy to improve the country. On top of that the slimy little prick and his bloc of traitors have no qualms about picking up a pay cheque from the country they claim doesn't treat them properly (or something, their real complaints are hard to pin down). Hypocrites to the max. I personally think the rest of Canada should have a referendum to vote the French separatists out, give them their own section of Quebec and then see how they survive without the overly generous transfer payments they have been getting for decades. Canada is the greatest country in the world and will be even greater if we get rid of the French assholes who are so insecure about their own culture that they force it on the non-French through provincial government legislation. In Quebec it's OK to speak English as long as you whisper it in back alleys.  And furthermore.................I forgot what I was going to say.

Last Day

  Well it is early Saturday morning and sadly this will be our last ski day before heading home tomorrow. A great time has been had by all and the skiing has been the best.

  We skied Beaver Creek yesterday, hitting all the hills we hadn't skied up until that point and had another great day. Once again the weatherman called for cloudy conditions but was completely wrong. The sun was again blazing. We started off doing some cruising on the groomed trails but then we headed over to the Grouse Mountain and Birds of Prey chairs for some major bump runs. I am not the greatest bump skier but there is no doubt I have improved this week and I am making it down the bumps in an efficient but less than stylish manner. Lori and Cam both make the bumps look easy. A couple of the runs must have been close to 2000 vertical feet so by the time we made it to the bottom we were soaked in sweat, gasping for air and smiling bigtime.

Grouse Mountain

  After the bumps Lori and I made our way over to the Chophouse for lunch and Cam stayed out for a while longer. Another great but exhausting day.
  Today we are going back to Vail to finish up the trip. Our plan is to hit some slopes that we haven't yet skied. I am quite sure that will be followed up by some drinks at Garfinkels and the entire group is going out for a nice dinner tonight to celebrate a fantastic week. (P.S. Dinner was very good although Ken was feeling under the weather and couldn't make it. Kathy, trooper that she is hosted the dinner while suffering from what she described as a serious HEMATOMA!!!!! We are all hoping she survives this injury).

  I would also like to thank Kenmark Snow Sports for putting on the trip and doing a wonderful job of it. Ken and Kathy were the best hosts anyone could hope for and the rest of the staff, Gail, Jeff, Tom, and Peggy were great co-hosts. If you are in need of winter sports equipment or bicycles for the summer Kenmark is a great place to go for top line stuff with professional service provided by a staff that knows the equipment because they use it as well. Located in Richmond Hill at Yonge and Elgin Mills, website kenmarksnowsports.com. Go there, you won't regret it.

  And finally I have discovered that as much as I would like to think I still have things going for me I continue to prove that I don't.





Looks like no sex in my next life either



  I also have to get a picture in of our room mates for the week, Bob and Mary. We had a great time skiing together and even more fun wondering where the hell Mary was. Get her on the ski hill and she just goes, to where nobody knows. Today at Vail we saw her for a few runs in the morning and then at Garfinkel's in the afternoon. There is no doubt about it though, a great time was had by all. Thanks again Kenmark.

 



 

I hurt.

 It is now day 4 of our ski trip and I shall be getting ready to head to Vail in about an hour. Preparation will have to include some self administered quad muscle massage and some stretches to hopefully alleviate the pain and stiffness at the back of my knees. My feet are also sore and my face is dried up like a prune with a nose that would do W.C. Fields (sorry to any young readers) proud. And with all that being said I am feeling better today than yesterday.

  Yesterday we skied at Beaver Creek and because it was quite warm on Tuesday afternoon and cold at night the snow was so frozen Wednesday morning you could shake your fillings out. It softened up by noon in many places but overall it was not primo skiing due to the snow conditions and overcast weather. On the plus side I didn't run anyone over yesterday. Small victory for me, great relief for those who ski with me. 

  We have now made our way back to the condo after one of the best ski days I have ever had. Vail is an amazing ski resort and as much as I like Beaver Creek there is no comparison. I can't explain it but Vail just has a feel to it. It is so big with every kind of terrain one could imagine that it seems more like an adventure than other ski resorts. The weather reports called for clouds and snow as well but it turned out to be blazing sunshine all day.  We started off with some fantastic groomed runs and then went to the back side for some glade and bump runs. I skied so well it almost looked like I knew what I was doing. Lori headed back first for some shopping, stuffing her shoes in her coat so she could shop comfortably. With the shoes stuffed in her coat it looked like she had chesticles. Cam and I carried on for some more glade runs but it wasn't long before I ran out of steam and had to head in.

  I arrived at Garfinkels for margaritas and beer and there were a couple of ladies setting up a "bongzilla" for a Budweiser employees party. She liked my ski sweater so much she offered to trade the bongzilla for it but I figured it would cost her more than that. We had a couple of drinks, did some shopping and now we are headed over to condo 86 for a beach party. I think I better bring the Applecorn. What a day!





BONGZILLA

  

Day 2, Beaver Creek

  It's Tuesday morning and we are getting ready to hop in a cab and head over to Vail. Yesterday at Beaver Creek was fantastic with about 1 foot of fresh snow on the non-groomed trails. The day started out with all of us awake far too early and when the time came to catch the shuttle to the mountain we were all running around like we had just gotten up. It was hot in the chalet and once we had our ski clothes on it was doubly so. I went to undo the snaps on my ski sweater only to realize I had a slight problem.

Yes, that's correct, I had my sweater on backwards. I thought something didn't seem right. The other scary part is man o man, I am completely grey at the back now.  After I got the sweater straightened away it was off to the mountain.
 At this point I will explain that it is now Tuesday night and I have been drinking. We had an incredible day at Vail with the sun blazing and the snow was fantastic. Lori, Cam and myself did a lot of glade runs with tons of snow and bumps. I am not the greatest skier either so when we get to the tough stuff it's hard for me to look like anything other than a spastic wearing dangerous weapons. After we had lunch at the "Dawg Haus" we headed back up for some more runs in the glades. I knew by then my legs were pretty much done but I figured what the hell . At one point Lori was stopped so I made my way over to her but just before I arrived I hit some deep snow (or something), lurched forward, ran into Lori, grabbed hold of her and wrestled her to the ground to break my fall. I am quite sure I even apologized before we hit the ground. It looked like we were playing Twister and I had just failed to hit the black dot. Lucky for me, both Lori and Cam are aware of what a shitty skier I am. On the bright side no one was hurt and we continued on. Lori and I headed to the bar after that and Cam found a friend who would continue to ski with him so everthing was good. I ended up drinking too much (which nowadays isn't that much) and not having the greatest technical ski day of my life but it was still a great time. I made it back home in one piece so life is good, the planets are aligned and there is bacon frying in the pan right now and I can't think straight anymore. Cheers!

Couldn't you get the hell out of the way

At long last

  At long last we are here in Beaver Creek. We left Newmarket at 6:15 AM and finally arrived at the condos at 12:00 AM Toronto time, 10:00 Colorado time. The highways were all closed so we had to sit in Denver for a couple of hours. When we finally got moving the tunnel was still closed so we took a 100 mile detour which was slow going. We came back out to the interstate but then had to stop for the driver (Michael, a great guy) to put chains on. With chains the bus can't go over 30 miles an hour so it still took quite a while to finally, finally pull up to the condo. I think the fact we stopped at Applejack's (a massive liquor store) in Denver eased the drudgery of such a long trip.

Truck stop for installing chains




Ice on bus wheel

     Our driver was a real interesting guy. He was a career air force guy who at one time had the job of keeping the lids on missile silos in good operational condition. During 9/11 he was in full lockdown inside a mountain waiting at first to find out if the Russians were attacking. He's now retired and drives the bus for the Denver Broncos and the many visiting sport teams to Denver. A real nice guy.
  It's now 7:27 AM Colorado time on Monday morniing and I didn't get a great sleep, for that matter no one slept that well but we are preparing for our first ski day. It is going to be quite cold at the top but there will be 12 inches of new snow from yesterday's storm so it should be a great time. I can't wait to take 10 or 12 turns and then stop and gasp for air for a minute or so. Cripes, I am gasping for air just climbing the stairs in the condo. The new skis will get a good test on a big mountain today and we will probably end the day at the Chophouse for the complimentary champagne.

Mad Hatter

  First of all I lied in my last post because I said it would be my last post before going to Beaver Creek. The problem is that post was just bloody awful, poorly done and squeezed out like a forced fart. It's obvious I need good subject matter to do a decent blog but it's not every day your pants fall down on the football field or a good friend buys an orange car powered by a lawn mower engine. Events like those are like manna from heaven. I have a new respect for people who can write something new and interesting every day or two. It's not as easy as one would think it would be.

  That being said I have decided to write again, this time on the subject of hats. I am not a big hat wearer but I find in the winter I have no choice but to put a lid on to keep the heat in. It is starting to look like I may have to start wearing one in the summer as well due to my thinning hair. I'm not going bald but my hair is certainly not as thick as it once was. No matter what kind of hat I am wearing I have always thought I looked like a bit of a doofus with one on, regardless of the type of hat.

  Last year though I was at the airport and after narrowly avoiding a cavity search passing through security I decided a new ski hat might help cheer me up and say something about me at Beaver Creek. I narrowed the search down to two hats. The first hat has a certain "je ne sais quois" about it. It's playful and obviously made me forget about going through security. I don't think it's the kind of hat Clark Gable would wear but I can see Cary Grant in it so this one was high on the list.

    The floppy ears make me seem relaxed and the store owner said they would stand straighten up if I got excited so this one went to the top of the list. The second hat was not that much different but it stirred up a whole new range of emotions. It's funny how just changing hats can radically change how one feels and how people percieve you

  This hat screamed "YOU WILL NEVER GET LAID AGAIN" and by golly Nostradamus must have been reincarnated as that fucking hat. Almost completely accurate except I'm not dead yet so the chance still exists; it may be hanging by a tattered thread but the chance does still exist. Hope is all I have. And possibly begging. Begging might work.