Forget about it.

  If the sport of forgetting is ever invented I am sure I will vault to the top ranks in short order. I have been to say the least absent minded and forgetful my entire life. The old saying "he'd forget his head if it wasn't screwed on" applies to me at all times. I am writing about this now because I just looked outside at the rain coming down and noticed that steam was rising from the BBQ which could only mean one thing. I left the damn thing on last night after using it to grill a steak. I figured I would leave it on for a while longer to burn off some of the fat. Oh, I'll remember before I go out. Sure I will. You would think after 55 years I would realize that the odds of me remembering to shut it off were slim to nil but not me. I forgot how forgetful I am. It's natural gas fed as well so it wouldn't run out for about 1000 years. The BBQ has cooled down now so that the only steam to be seen is emanating from my ears. I remember (two words I rarely use) as a child telling my Mother that I was going to run away from home at the end of the school day and then forgetting completely about it. Felt silly that day when she asked me what I was doing home. She used to make a lunch for me every day and the only way she could be assured that I would remember it would be to hang it around my neck like an oat bag. I have missed making a turn in my car, made a u-turn and then driven right by the road again. I rented a locker while skiing in Beaver Creek last week, opened it up, inserted the token and locked it. Predictibly I for got to put the knap sack in the friggin locker before locking it. DUH! My house is always in a state of disarray because I am afraid if I put something away I may never see it again. My MP3 is awol at this moment. I haven't seen it in over a month. I'm positive it was in a coat pocket but I have checked all my pockets and it is nowhere to be seen. I'm now hoping it was stolen because that means my memory or lack thereof is not responsible for its disappearance and if it was stolen I hope Neil Diamonds greatest hits goes into a continuous loop on the thief. Or was that Neil Sedaka? Shit, I forget.