Stupid beyond all imagination, updated.

This time of year in Collingwood is not the greatest because the weather is frequently lousy for outdoor activities such as biking. Today was that kind of day, cloudy, cool and drizzly.
To stay busy I decided to try baking a sweet potato pie which I have had a couple of times compliments of my friend Brian who along with his wife Sue have had me over for dinner a couple of times. Brian makes the fantastic sweet potato pie although when he first mentioned it there was no way I thought I would like it. I was wrong.  
Today I decided to make my own so it was off to the Metro to get some sweet potatoes and a few other ingredients. I got back home, pulled up a recipe on the internet that looked good and got to work. Within an 1 1/2 hours I had the filling made and poured it into the store bought graham cracker pie crust. The oven was preheated a few minutes later so I grabbed the pie and went to transfer it to the oven. Sadly, idiot that I am, I didn't take into account how heavy the filling was and when I picked it up the by the sides and went to move it the centre collapsed and the entire thing ended up splattered on the kitchen floor and lower cabinets. Fuck fuCk fUck fucK.........FUCK!
There was such a mess that I was only able to call myself a fucking moron for about 5 minutes straight before the massive task of cleaning up the mess took precedent. The amazing thing is I didn't go absolutely apeshit. I am either getting old or mellow or possibly both because years ago I would have been banging my head against the kitchen counter for being such an idiot, such a complete moron, such an incompetent twit, such a clumsy oaf. Today I was in a state of controlled rage if that's really possible. Strange. Really strange.
It's now a day later and I have tried again, this time putting the flimsy aluminium pie plate inside a solid metal one so as not to royally screw up again. All went well I think and the finished product smells good so all that is left is the taste test.
I have now had a taste and I would say it is quite good and was worth the coniption fit. I am now going to look up the meaning of the word coniption.

It looks good...I think.

New toys

The fall colours were brilliant this year but now the wind is blowing, the leaves are starting to fall and snow has already been spotted, only for a minute or so, at the Scenic Caves. It also seems unusually cold to me for this time of year so buying a new pair of skis seemed like the right thing to do so it was off to the annual ski swap at Blue.
The skis I have now are Dynastar Sultan Legend 85 all mountain skis and I love them but for this year I wanted something a little turnier so to speak. I arrived at 9:30 AM last Friday and it was already busy there. I figured a shorter slalom ski would be a good ski to contrast my Legends. After talking with a young racer and then getting help from a gentleman named Carl, who really seemed to know his skis, I settled on Dynastar Omeglass Speed 155 cm slalom skis with an 11 metre turning radius.  They are not the titanium model but they reviewed very well so hopefully I will be heading down the hill this winter linking a lot of nice round turns.

 

I have also joined the curling club in town so it was off to Play it Again Sports to see if I could find any decent prices on shoes and a brush (brooms are for wives and witches and my understanding is sometimes they are hard to tell apart). I managed to get a nice pair of shoes for $40, a gripper for $16 and a brush for $15 so it was a very worthwhile trip. Shoes at Canadian Tire were $130 so I saved some money (remember, I'm a cheap guy) and still ended up with new equipment.

 

So here comes winter and the only left to buy is my 5x7 ski pass and I am good to go.
I also have to admit that my somewhat unreliable memory (OK, I'm bordering on mindless twit territory) almost cost some some cash this weekend. I had put in ski boots for Lori at the swap and I was supposed to go back Thanksgiving Monday to pick them up if they hadn't sold but of course I forgot. It was Tuesday when it finally dawned on me that I had forgotten so I rushed over to the swap but everything had already been cleaned out. Luckily, after a few phone calls I tracked down the guy in charge of the swap and the boots didn't sell so he's going to drop them off at the house. Talk about great customer service. I guess I should also say sorry to Lori. Please don't beat me with your broom.

A Comedy of My Errors.

So I walk into the liquor store on Tuesday in a GET BEER! frame of mind and see a young guy who looks sort of familiar but I have BEER! on my mind so I continue on my quest. He approaches me and says "hello Gary" and it is then that I realise that he is a fellow employee at Scenic Caves. We talk for a while with me racking my brain trying to figure out what his name is. I think it's Jackson.
We meet up again at the cash and I see some Makers Mark bourbon so I mention that all bourbon is made in Tennessee. Wrong again, all bourbon is made in Kentucky. We get through the cash and I say "see you later Jackson" and head home.
When I get home I realise that all bourbon is made in Kentucky so I go into the work email list and find Jackson's email address and apologise for not recognising him and I correct myself on the origin of all bourbons.
The next day I get an email from Jackson. He doesn't know what I am talking about and figures I have the wrong email address.
I then go back into the company email list and realise that the guy in the liquor store is named Mark and not Jackson. Fuck fUCk FuCK fucK...........fuck!
I then had to send new emails to both Mark and Jackson explaining that I am now in the fast lane on the highway to senility and my only hope may be that I forget where the hell I'm going.
So this afternoon I am at the Turkey Tent sale at Blue Mountain and I see another Scenic Caves employee and wonder of wonders I recognise her AND I know her name. I tell Krista about my comedy of errors but when I mention that Mark is an Aussie she say no, Marty is the Aussie. I know who Marty is and insist that Mark is an Aussie as well only to be corrected by Krista for what I hope will be the last time for the next few minutes. Mark is a Brit.....who sounds a whole lot like an Aussie to me. Where's my Geritol?

Centurion 2012.

 Today my legs are a bit tired because yesterday I competed in the Centurion 50 mile race. It's a great event consisting of hill climbs up Scenic caves road, a kids ride, and races of 25, 50 and 100 miles.
The event has only been going on for 3 years at Blue Mountain but it is easily the biggest event they have.
 Registration is done online and starting on Friday evening you were able to pick up the race packets which have bib and bike numbers, a timing chip and a t-shirt. Like everything else on this weekend registration was well organised and I had my race packet in a few short minutes. That is one of the things about this event that I really like, it is very well organised.
 Leading up to the race I had done some good preparation over a 2 week period which included 550 kms riding with numerous wind sprints included in these rides. The wind sprints helped my legs last much longer when climbing and my recovery time was reduced significantly after working hard. The week before the race I tapered by doing hour long rides with sprints at 80 to 90% of max, reducing the number sprints each day. The day before the race it rained so I went downstairs to my rollers and did 20 kms at over 40 kph average with one fast sprint. As well I tried to load up on carbs in the few days before the race.
 I arrived at the start line at 7 AM and met up with Terry who has just started road biking but has mountain biked in the area for over 20 years. It was good to see him there. At 7:30 the race began with 1350 riders paced behind a car for the first 5 km until we turned right to head up the Grey 19 climb. That's also where the chip timing started.
 Although I was getting passed on the climb up I was certainly doing much better than the previous 2 years and I arrived at the top in good time and was able to get in with a good group of riders. We stayed together as a group for most of the race, splitting up sometimes and then finding ourselves back in a group a few minutes later. My climb up to Epping was a personal best and after that there were no more long climbs. Heading back from Ravenna I made good time and a group of us flew back down Grey 19 and made good time to a sprint finish. Terry finished a short while later in under 3 hours which was a great ride for him. The only real problem I had were some minor stomach cramps near the end caused by a mixture of energy gels and 2 different kinds of gatorade. After the race the cramps got worse so I headed for home early.
 One of the things that make this event really fun is the number of people who come out to cheer the racers on. I don't think they realise how much the riders appreciate their cheers and shouts of encouragement. I made sure I thanked them for their support several times during the ride. The volunteers at the feed stations also deserve a pat on the back for a job well done.
 And now for the numbers.  Time....................................2:43.21
                                             Chip Time...........................2:31.23
                                              Pace....................................33.8 kph
                                              KOM..................................13.03 minutes
                                              Result-age group................17/97
                                              Result-Mens overall...........197/967
                                              Result-overall.....................215/1370

Tough Mudder

Today every muscle in my body hurts. I was at the Shoppers Drug Mart at 8 AM this morning to get some Tylenol for muscle aches and pains. Going down stairs hurts like hell. That was definitely the first and last tough Mudder I will ever do.
The day started by picking up my buddy Aaron at 10 AM in Wasaga Beach. We then had to drive almost 1/2 an hour past Mt. St. Louis to the parking area and then be shuttled back to to the ski resort. We finally started the event at 2 PM. I had already decided at that point that I would never do a Tough Mudder again.
The first obstacle about 1 km in required us to lie on our bellies and crawl through mud. It was easy but the clasp on my fanny pack, which had to be removed for this obstacle,  jammed up with mud and it wouldn't snap back together properly. I took a fanny pack because it was recommended by this guy on You Tube giving Tough Mudder tips. It was bad advice.
We then ran back down the hill to near the start and jumped in a 20 foot long container filled with ice water which was a shock but at least it remove a lot of the mud. It also removed my fanny pack which I realized after exiting. I couldn't go back in so it was goodbye $30, gel packs and Aaron's and my gloves.
We then headed back up the hill for some more slopping through mud, jumping ditches filled with mud, swinging from rings (I failed that miserably) and trudging through a shallow pond.
After getting covered in mud trying to jump the ditches my soccer socks (the guy on you tube with the tips said to wear compression socks to save your calves but soccer socks were a bad substitute) weighed about 3 pounds each so I removed them. Now my problem was the grit from the mud ate at my feet. Not very pleasant. Also going downhill was harder because of the grit and my toes started sliding forward into the front of my shoes. Eventually I started taking my shoes off for some of the longer downhills.
We had to miss 2 obstacles, the 15 foot jump into water was lined up because someone was being put on a stretcher and the water slide down the hill was closed because a woman was cut open on it. I could have done those two easily.
I also bypassed the monkey bars and the two 12 foot high Berlin Walls because I was just too tired to try them. I think my legs started to really started to tighten up at about the 10 km mark.
The electric eel was one of the toughest obstacles because you had to crawl on your belly through water for about 12 metres with electrified wires dangling down a few inches above the water level. Aaron, being thinner than me was only shocked once but I was zapped 6 times going through. We exited there for a grueling climb all the way back up the hill. Then back down the hill and then back up part way, grab an 8 foot log, throw it on our shoulders and carry it another ways up the hill and then back down the hill to where we had picked it up. It was then to Everest where you had to run and try to get up half of a half pipe. I made it first try thanks to the guys on the top who helped out. It should be mentioned also that the teamwork aspect of the event was admirably demonstrated by a great many participants and so I send a thank you out to them.
The final obstacle was running through electified wires suspended from above. This one was not so bad and I was able to only get shocked once while Aaron didn't get zapped at all.
In total I think we climbed up and down the hill at least 5 times and the total distance was 16 kms. I'm glad I made it through although I really didn't becaused I skipped some obstacles. I have got to hand it to Aaron as well, he did everything and made them look fairly easy. At the finish he didn't even seem that tired and he certainly impressed the hell out of me.
I will have to just cling to the fact that I may have been the oldest person I saw participating. I'm  sure there were some people older than me but on average I would guess I was at least 25 - 30 years older than most of the participants.

It was quite the day. I will definitely never do it again but I am glad I gave it a try. Tommorow I turn 57 so hopefully that means I will start to act my age.

New helmet

Two days ago I made the trip over to Kamikaze bike shop to check out some helmets. I figured one of the reasons I was sweating into my eyes so much was that my inexpensive (cheap) MEC helmet did not have very big vents and therefore not enough cooling power.
My rule of thumb in the past when buying helmets has been "$40 helmet for a $40 head" Sadly over the years helmets have increased in price due to inflation and my head value has decreased due to loss of memory, loss of hair, loss of self esteem, loss of vision, loss of looks, loss of hearing......I could go on but you get the picture I'm sure.
Holly at Kamikaze helped me pick out a new snazzy looking helmet made by Giro. It was a real nice fit but as usual I looked like a doofus wearing it as I do with all helmets. I was a bit conflicted as well wearing it because I now had a helmet that was worth far more than my head. It was $109. My head is down to about $20 but the only $20 helmet there had flowers on it and was so small I looked like a gay rabbi with a balance problem. I had to get the Giro. I then came to the realization that there was no way I could buy this helmet. Why you ask? Simple. The helmet's model name was "Savant". Let's face it, there is no way I should ever be wearing a helmet called a Savant. Talk about being conflicted. The helmet would probably be picking my ride routes. Funny thing happened as well. Someone dropped a box of toothpicks on the floor in front of me and I had them counted in 6 seconds. Weird.
In the end I bought a Bontrager helmet with big vents that should help keep my head cooler. I'm not at all conflicted wearing this helmet either. It's a Bontrager Snail.

Sweat Gutr

Yesterday I tried out my Sweat Gutr for the first time. It is worn like a headband and its sole purpose is to channel sweat that is running down your forehead to the sides and hopefully away from your eyes. It is fully adjustable for just about any size head.
After my first ride wearing it my impressions are both good and bad. The first thing I noticed was it kept on getting pushed down by my helmet so that it was resting on my brow which was slightly annoying to say the least. As I heated up and started to sweat climbing Grey road 19 the Gutr did stop most of the sweat from running in my eyes. Most. I could feel small amounts of sweat at the corner of my eyes but for the most part it didn't get in my eyes until much later in the 2 hour ride. Twice near the end of the ride I had a bit of sweat run into my left eye which seems to be the eye I always have trouble with. One other problem I had was it rested on my ears and that was a bit uncomfortable.

Overall the Sweat Gutr gets a 7 out of 10 from me for keeping the sweat out of my eyes. This doesn't mean that score might not improve in the future because I think it will take a little time and a few adjustments to improve the performance of it. I will continue to wear it and try to fine tune the fit so that hopefully one day I can complete a ride without stinging eyes.