For Sale

Good day, I was hoping that someone out there might be interested in buying a useless piece of shit. I purchased this useless piece of shit in the winter after reading glowing reviews on how well it worked. I am guessing the reviewer was related to Helen Keller in some way although I think even Helen could have spotted this useless piece of shit easily. Sadly I couldn't. Here is a picture of the useless piece of shit.

It is supposed to be a bicycle repair stand but the useless piece of shit doesn't really work for wide framed carbon fibre bikes. I have tried several useless piece of shit modifications but I still cannot get this useless piece of shit to do its job properly.
I must admit my Scottish roots had something to do with the purchase because it was, how shall I put this, inexpensive,......or maybe.....yea, I think cheap would be the word. Now you would think I would know better because this is not the first useless piece of shit I have purchased in my life. There was the useless piece of shit CD-DVD player that was......OK, it was cheap. I eventually destroyed that CD-DVD player with an axe and recorded the event with my useless piece of shit camera which didn't work so the actual destruction was never recorded. Shit!
I may soon have another useless piece of shit for sale soon as well. It's called a BlackBerry playbook and if this useless piece of shit auto-corrects me one more time I going to start looking for the axe.
I would like to add that a sure way to tell if something is a useless piece of shit is if it makes your face go like this.

Next week I may discuss the finer points of something else that I am very well schooled on. They're called fucking useless pieces of shit.